Monday, February 4, 2008

And the first prize in the World's Sexiest Midget Rodeo category goes to...

~Now THIS is an animal gone wild, you jackass!

JD'S quotes:

Possibly the most unintentionally funny reality show on television might just be World's Most Amazing Videos. The narrator's jokes are terrible and consist almost completely of bad puns and the serious parts are the funniest...and also typically consist of bad puns. They constantly try to sound dramatic and add suspense even though chances are that the viewer is laughing hysterically at some of the dumbest human beings they've ever seen. I know I am. The following are things that were ACTUALLY said on this program during their special Animals Gone Wild edition (Remember to hear the deep stirring voice of the narrator in your mind, trying to sound as if he thinks he's got you on the edge of your seat wetting yourself from fear whenever you see monkey):

1. Sink your teeth into ''Animals Gone Wild''.

2. Plus, a startled steed becomes a bucking bronco...and crushes its rider under-hoof.

3. And later, a cheetah turns a TV host into a TV dinner.

4. But first, a zoo comes under siege, when an orangutan goes ape.

5. Plus, a crocodile trainer's trick, gives him a piercing headache.

This show is so great, it involves a bartender having to taser a rabid fox! That...that was like Christmas and my Birthday and St. Skeletor's Day all rolled into one. Immediately following is this quote:

6. She'll be okay,...but it'll be sometime before she can live down the night she was outfoxed by a fox.

Also great, a woman who works with BEARS for a living, decides to entertain THE BEARS with her ukulele! This leads them to build the suspense by saying:

7. Today, Maria tries entertaining the animals with some ukulele music, inside their enclosure...She won't be giving an encore... (Don't worry, she's not dead...well maybe brain dead but the bears weren't responsible for that.)

Then, showing footage of a rodent epidemic:

8. It will take weeks to get rid of this four-legged plague. Until then, residents are the ones caught in a mousetrap.

Got goose bumps yet? Wait, this next one might do it for you.

The best one of the night was when they spoke of an annual midget rodeo. Yes...MIDGET RODEO, I said! A lady midget matador (snicker, snicker) is knocked on her stomach by none other than...a midget bull, who engaged in a unique attack which the narrator actually calls... a ''BOVINE BOOTY-CALL'', following up with this comment:

9. But thankfully,...she was fighting a bull who wanted to make love...not gore.

THAT, ladies and gentleman, is just one single episode of World's Most Amazing Videos. Nice!