A Surefire Way To Get Male Celebrities To Work With You

Lucy's quote:


~George Takei


In case anyone else wondered how the hell Sulu from Star Trek ended up as a recurring figure on The Howard Stern Show and working as Howard Stern's announcer, I've found the answer. Howard Stern knows the way to a man's heart. It was all in the first impression, you see. Sulu-aka George Takei relayed the story of his and Howard's first meeting to Conan O'Brien on Late Night With Conan O'Brien. George met Howard when he appeared on Howard's radio show as a guest. George describes the experience as follows:

George Takei to Conan O'Brien:

''Met this tall, skinny, wild-haired guy and I said, ''Good morning. How are you?'' and he said, ''Oh, you have a deep voice. Anyone with a voice that deep has ah-got to have a big dong.'' I said, ''Are we on the air?'' and that was my introduction to Howard Stern.''

That you see, is how you get any male celebrity to work with you in any circumstance. That's my theory anyway...

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And in other PSA news...hoeno! It's Artie Lange!

~Artie Lange, from The Howard Stern Show

Lucy's quotes:

Artie Lange stopped by Late Night With Conan O'Brien one night to do the worst PSA since ...since Max Weinberg's PSAs on the same show...Late Night has an interesting PSA track record now that I think about it. Artie has this great way of making Conan extremely uncomfortable. Artie talks about drugs and bashes other celebrities that Conan either has or likely will talk to and tries to get Conan in on it. This entertains us. Oh, yeah it does. Artie came on right after Randy Jackson of American Idol left and Artie had to ask Conan if he shared Artie's anger over the fact that someone like Randy was important in the business, as if Conan's going to jump in on that sentiment.

Artie then begins on his cocaine comedy while Conan's poor anus becomes sealed shut so tight he'll need a crowbar to break wind for at least the rest of that evening. Artie's best line is this lovely bit of druggie wisdom:

''This is advice for the kids. Only do coke if you're good lookin'. It sucks doin' cocaine when you're ugly, 'cause every time you do a line, you gotta see your face in the mirror.''

Bad Artie! Bad!

PS: In this instance PSA doesn't stand for ''prostate-specific antigen'' but rather Public Service Announcement, like it used to mean back in the day.

PPS: Also, if Artie Lange overdoses or something like that and kicks the bucket, we will probably take this post off because it won't be appropriate...On second thought, it's not really appropriate now, so we'll just leave it up.

PS to the PPS: Actually, we will leave the post up if something should happen to Artie but remove the part where I say he might kick the bucket out of respect and in its place add ''Thanks for the laughs'' where the kicks-the-bucket part was. Yeah, that's it. That's what we'll do.

'Say what?' does not endorse or encourage cocaine use, Artie Lange on cocaine, Artie Lange off cocaine, Randy Jackson on American Idol, Conan O'Brien's anus, Hillary Clinton's laugh, Mitt Romney's street cred, any man named Mitt or celebrity PSAs.