Larry Merchant wants blood! (Another great Larry Merchant quote)

JD's quotes:
~Pavlik left, Taylor right and Larry makes three.

Larry Merchant is still the best personality on HBO as far as the non-fiction goes, in my humble opinion. I know, if you read 'Say what?' regularly and don't like or know Larry, you may be rolling your eyes. Go ahead and roll them, I love to quote this man. Anyone who loves the sport of boxing as ''The Sweet Science'' and who has tried to explain the greatness of the sport to someone who calls it barbaric, was just slapping the crap out of their foreheads during the first Kelly Pavlik VS Jermaine Taylor middleweight championship fight. Why? Because Larry Merchant blurted out this line:

''This must be a pretty good fight Jim, I've already got five dots of blood on my shirt.''

...Jim Lampley waited a few seconds and then talked about something else, completely ignoring Larry's comment. Jim is funniest when he does that. Larry says something to which no one who's sane has a reply, then Jim changes the subject. Here's a completely fictional example just to give you an idea of how this normally happens:

Larry during a dull moment of a fight: ''This is like watching a Canadian dollar trying to wrestle a Japanese yen to the ground and not having any luck at it.''

Jim: ''... ...Wallace in the orange trunks with the black stripes tonight. ''

Sometimes I just wonder if Larry says some of this stuff just to see if it will make Lampley uncomfortable or at a loss for words. Other times I wonder if Larry isn't being quiet but rather someone has cut his microphone. It's hard to tell what's going on when the camera isn't pointed towards the commentators. You know, during many fights, I'd prefer it if the cameras were on Larry instead, sometimes I'm much more interested to see what he's doing than say, Cory Spinks.

PS: I'm completely unapologetic for my obsession with Larry Merchant and, so, you can go shove that down your shorts bucko. HBO, Don't get rid of Larry Merchant!

Nice Boy Floyd? (Larry Merchant quotes about Floyd Mayweather, Junior)

JD's quotes:


VS



Okay...I warned you I'd likely do it again with my quoting Larry Merchant. As a matter of fact, I'd like Say what? to be known as the #1 and best Larry Merchant quotes site. So, people are always wondering about why Larry and Floyd Mayweather Jr. aka Pretty Boy Floyd are at odds so often. Well, here are two examples of statements that may've damaged their relationship:

1. While the fighters were still making their way to the ring just before the Oscar De La Hoya VS Floyd Mayweather Jr. match-up, Larry starts in on Floyd like he does (I had to listen to it several times to hear what he was saying over my own laughter):

''Why is Oscar De La Hoya a Box Office superstar, . . . while Floyd Mayweather is a boxing star? Because Oscar won a gold and Floyd won a bronze? Because Oscar was a handsome man and Floyd was a nice looking man? Because Oscar has a crowd-pleasing style and Floyd does not?''

2. Before this, after Floyd had defeated Carlos Baldomir to win the welterweight championship, Larry and Jim Lampley had this conversation:

Lampley: So, Larry, Floyd Mayweather wins the welterweight championship with a flawless display of self defense, then breaks into tears at the news conference saying that he's under appreciated and vows that he's only going to fight one more time. What's goin' on?

Merchant: I think he bored himself to tears Jim.

Believe me, the fact that Larry wasn't present during the Jones VS Trinidad fight infuriates me to no end. If only Larry were there to say something about Roy's Rooster dance moves, I'd have gotten another quote out of him for you. Don't let this happen again, petition HBO on behalf of Larry Merchant!...Please! For the sake of sports humor and all that is holy! Alright, I'll shut up.

The eventual corruption of George Foreman (A Funny Boxing Quote)

JD's quotes:


Well, we're a few hours away from the fight with Roy Jones Jr. and Felix 'Tito' Trinidad and HBO was smart enough to give us a refresher course again as they do before their PPV fights. In order to remind us of the kind of fighters about to go toe-to-toe, they showed one of each of their previous fights. Last night, they showed 2003's Roy Jones Jr. vs John Ruiz match and followed that up with the excellent Trinidad vs Fernando Vargas fight from 2000. The Trinidad/Vargas fight is a landmark for me because it's the night I realized that Larry Merchant had rubbed some of his bizarre whimsy off onto former champ, grill-daddy and sometime commentator George Foreman. Yes, that's right, we're quoting Larry Merchant again...it won't be the last time either people. Mark my words. Better yet, mark his.

So, here's the setup. The commentators ringside for HBO at the fight are Larry Merchant, Jim Lampley and George Foreman. Fernando Vargas has always been known as a baby-faced fighter and apparently Trinidad had taunted him about it pre-fight. So, this goofy exchange takes place between our old buddy Larry and Big George:

Larry Merchant: Well, he called him a baby and so far he's uh-done everything except diaper and powder him. But, late in the round, the baby started to yowl.

George Foreman: There's a little blood on the side of Trinidad's-right side of Trinidad's eye. So, that baby can scratch.

Poor George, clearly infected with HLLV-The Human Loopy Larry Virus.
Thank God there's no vaccine for it. We'd have so much less material for you.

Between that and those photos on Entertainment Tonight...

JD's quote:

I can't help it, I just heard this one again recently and I had to give Larry Merchant another spot on ''Say what?''. I warn you, this likely won't be the last time either. Here's another beauty from the great sage Larry Merchant. The setting is shortly after the referee stopped the first fight between Julio Caesar Chavez and Oscar De La Hoya. Chavez was losing thoroughly and a cut had suspiciously appeared very early above his left eye. George Foreman hinted that Chavez suffered the cut in training and covered it up to make it to the ring. The cut looked terrible, refused to stop bleeding and the fight was called. Jim Lampley and George Foreman were praising De La Hoya cautiously when old Larry decided to chime in with this unlikely but typically colorful comparison:

''This kid is like a debutante with a knife in her purse.''

Larry, man are we ever gonna miss you when you retire.

Doctor Larry Merchant

JD's quotes:

Larry Merchant must have gone through med school to have his kind of anatomical knowledge. He shows off his expertise in the Fernando Vargas VS Oscar De La Hoya fight shortly after Vargas is knocked out with the following quote:



''Fernando Vargas may have had a six-pack in his stomach. He did not have a six-pack in his chin.''

The fact that I understood perfectly what Larry meant caused me to immediately see a neurologist. Apparently, I'm fine. This leads me to wonder if Larry might not be better off than I could've ever assumed.



Ricky Hatton works briefly as Larry Merchant's stylist:

Mike Tyson's dating method? (Larry Merchant quotes, for the boxing romantic)

JD's quotes:

Once upon a time...the greatest boxing commentator in all the land said something that could easily be misconstrued... Larry Merchant speaking of then heavyweight champ, Mike Tyson as Tyson made his way to the ring in his prime, stated:

''Mike has termed this phase of a fight, his favorite phase. He calls it ''like going out on a date'', it's finally gonna happen...Of course, his idea of a date... is Wham Bam, thank you, sir.''

...Larry, be honest...Were you trying to pick a fight, here? Also, here's a treat for Larry's fans who want to see him be more ''hands on'' with the audience: