Oh, no, hoeno, not again! (More Saturday Night Live quotes from Weekend Update)

~ Seth Meyers of SNL
Lucy's quotes:

Yes again, my friend, again. If not now, then when? Have I been reading Dr. Seuss books? No, I just get giddy when I do an SNL post, that's all. Especially when it's about (Sound the trumpets) my favorite segment, Weekend Update. I've restrained myself for long enough. I just can't stay away from the WU. So, here are some of the last lines that got a belly laugh from me. Keep in mind, each belly laugh is worth 6 points to the anchor reading it, so Jimmy Fallon is still up by several points. Sorry, it's the way we do it. Here they are:

1. Current Anchor Seth Meyers:

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek are denying rumors that they have become lovers. Apparently the rumor got started when I imagined it.

2. Also from Seth Meyers:

Many BlackBerry users are now reporting feeling vibrations when they are not holding their devices. In an effort to combat these phantom sensations, makers of the BlackBerry suggest you stop doing cocaine.

3. Former Anchor and most recently host Tina Fey:

Police in Illinois are looking for a 75-year-old woman who gets around with a cane and a portable oxygen cart. Because she's accused of scamming car dealers by bouncing checks. Officials say that by now, the old lady could be anywhere within an eight foot radius.

4. Also from Tina Fey:

Ingvar Kamprad, the Swedish man who founded IKEA has overtaken Bill Gates as the World's richest man, with a fortune of $53 billion dollars. He plans to use the money to ''finally buy some nice furniture.''

5. And finally, from my favorite former anchor, Jimmy Fallon:

For the first time, the annual event ''Gay Day'' in which homosexuals gather at Disneyland, was held at Euro Disney in Paris. It was the largest gathering of gay men in Paris since the day before.

~ Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon on SNL's Weekend Update

This just in: Experts say, that if you're feeling froggy, DON'T JUMP!

Lucy's quotes:

Which one is which?


Will Ferrell was only one of the SNL players to do a George W. Bush impression. In case you're one of the readers who don't know George, he is the current president of Texas. Will may not have been known for the art of straight impressions but he did master the ''W'' vibe. You know the one, the ''I'm much smarter in real life than on camera'' thing. ''Hey America, the camera adds ten pounds and takes away 30 IQ points.'' SNL's political humor has benefited so much from ''W''. SNL will miss George like JD will miss Larry Merchant.

Will Ferrell as George W. Bush:

''And, don't forget France. The French don't like me sayin' ''Axis of Evil''. So, guess what? They are now part of the very same Axis of Evil, that they don't like me sayin'. How do ya like them apples France? Next time, you keep your mouth shut. You mess with Texas and it's straight to the Axis of Evil. Got it?''

That's right France, watch your ass. We will absolutely bomb you. We roll like that. As a matter of fact, the CIA is well aware of your attack on America. We've got files on your military operation ''Le Katrina''. You're goin' down! You hate us for our Freedom! Or, we'll attack Sweden, there's probably some French people there. Europeans are all connected...