He's not a professor but I bet they wish he was (Humorous Historical Quotes)

JD's quotes:

~ Victoria Woodhull, just one of the historical figures you should know but likely don't, mentioned in Robert Wuhl's second presentation.

~ Former president of the US Franklin Pierce. How great was this guy?...Robert Wuhl thinks he sucked.

~ Britney Spears, according to Robert Wuhl, she could be FAR more important to the benefit of society than Franklin Pierce.

~ Mr. Robert Wuhl, the man who wants you to be as amused by history as he is.


As covered previously, actor Robert Wuhl, formerly star of HBO comedy Arliss was teacher for a day in his college presentation Assume The Position. Well, he had so much fun and so many people appreciated this great presentation of history that he did Assume the position 201 with Mr. Wuhl. The second verse is the same as the first in that it is another humorous presentation assuming the position that history is pop culture. The results are an informed and amused audience both live and at home, yet again. Think Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton in the same presidential race is a sign of the modern times? Mr. Wuhl will tell you all about Victoria Woodhull and Frederick Douglass. One of a growing number that thinks our current president is just the worst? Well, Mr. Wuhl tells you about some former presidents that would make you think twice. Here are some of the quotes from Mr. Wuhl's class:

From Wuhl's theory of presidential facial hair:

''Now, in my lifetime, there have been ten different presidents. Some good, some not so good. All of them clean shaven, and none of them could get rid of Castro. His secret? Facial hair!''

While making sure you aren't quick to deem current president George W. Bush as the worst president ever, Mr. Wuhl puts an extra special emphasis on Franklin Pierce. Included in his emphasizing are Pierce's opposing candidates Stephen Douglas and James Buchanan. Douglas was very short and Buchanan was the only American President who was a lifelong bachelor. Wuhl downplays Pierce's victory over these men with this statement:

''This is like beating Mini-Me and Lance Bass.''


Then continues to say:

''How bad was Franklin Pierce? To this day, he remains the only incumbent president in our history not to get his own party's nomination for a second term.''

''How does he respond? Pierce later gets drunk, gets on a horse and drives over a woman, becoming the first president with a DUI.''

Other honorable mentions in his list of lousy presidential terms are Calvin Coolidge, Millard Fillmore and Warren G. Harding. He also says this of John Tyler:

''How committed to the United States was this guy? When he's not re-elected, this motherf**ker switches sides!''

Wuhl on literature:

''...The Scarlet Letter, a love triangle about adultery. It's sort of the original Grey's Anatomy.''

Lastly, Mr. Wuhl on staying positive during America's current hard times:

''I'm an optimist, I really am. I'm a positive person. I always look at the bong as half full.''

When's our third installment Mr. Wuhl? We'll be waiting.

Yeah, why exactly DID Yankee Doodle call it macaroni?

JD's quotes:

If you have yet to see it, the former star of HBO's Arliss, Robert Wuhl has done two presentations to college students about history for television and they are two of the most worthwhile history programs that you'll see. They were on HBO, not PBS or The History Channel, interestingly enough. As a History Channel junkie, I'm giving some major praise here. The program is called Assume The Position With Mr. Wuhl and Mr. Wuhl gives the class and viewers at home one of the most entertaining and enlightening lessons in history, that they can ask for and brings some hefty enthusiasm with him. Of course, this includes enthusiastically dropping a few F-bombs just to get your attention-it is HBO after all. If only your average professor were like Mr. Wuhl. Across the first Assume The Position, Wuhl simply introduces his basic philosophy of history...he assumes the position that it's nothing but pop culture. He backs this up by explaining who in the living crap Israel Bissell was, how similar old 19th century authors were to the likes of Quentin Tarantino and Steven Tyler and why in the name of Aunt Fanny's Nanny Yankee Doodle would call that feather in his cap macaroni of all things. The second installment was great as well but here are my favorite quotes from the first Assume The Position, now showing on HBO again:

1. ''So, this world-is-round story is 100% bullsh!t.'' -Wuhl says this while shattering a huge Christopher Columbus myth with an appropriate and understandable level of glee.

2. ''You remember Rip Van Winkle,...story about a man who has a nagging wife. He gets drunk, goes to sleep for 20 years, wakes up, his wife is dead and he lives happily ever after. ''

3. ''Not that Academy awards are the be-all and end-all of everything. I mean, Ben Affleck's got a f**kin' Oscar for God's sakes! ''


After Wuhl puts up a picture of a man on a horse in colonial dress he asks:

4. ''How about this guy? 1775, Boston, Massachusetts: A British postal worker, 23-years-old. A postal rider, hears that the British are invading. He gets on a horse and rides 350 miles to warn the colonists. And his name is? (The students dully drone in unison ''Paul Revere'' and Wuhl gladly corrects them) His name is Israel Bissell...''

5. ''So, right off the bat, our country is based upon a grammatical f**k-up!''

Lastly, after showing a very helpful and eye-opening visual aid:

6. ''I think it's safe to assume the position that there was no such thing as a colonial quickie.''