A salute to the great intentional and unintentional lines of real life and great fiction. A blend of the funniest and most accurate quotes on the web, old, new and in between. Quotes from TV, Movies, Stand-up acts, books, etc. See if a line that stuck in your head shows up. Please leave comments and tell us what you like and what you want to see. Thanks for stopping by.
Sincerely,
JD & Lucy
Lucy's quotes: HBO's little known gem, Flight of the Conchords ran for one season this year and has been canceled. We will always have that one season of deadpan delight though and of course, their music. The show chronicles an attempt at fame by a contemporary New Zealand folk duo. . .folk/rock/reggae/rap. . .and I'm not sure what else. With them is their only fan, Mel [Comedian Kristen Schaal] and their manager Murray Hewitt aka Gingerballs [comedian Rhys Darby]. They come to America from New Zealand and they are ultimately outdone by a bossy bongo player. . . What more could you want in a TV series? Bret McKenzie as Bret, who is sadly the ladies' man of the two: ''The eggs were really nice, like your lips...So....your lips look delicious...like as delicious as the eggs...probably more delicious.''
. . .Man that guy is smooooooth.
Watch Bret's moves as he pulls the classic Flight of the Conchords move by slipping into a music video out of nowhere. The only time the shy, reserved and hilariously dull singers break out of their quiet shell is when they morph into their musical personas, often with their embarrassing rap names. Jermaine-played by Jermaine Clement shows up along with what must be the finest backup dancers in all of hip hop:
Rainn Wilson as excitably serious Dwight K. Shrute:
''I don't have a lot of experience with vampires but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog.''
Lucy's quotes: The Sarah Silverman Program on Comedy Central Sarah Silverman playing the role of Sarah Silverman-Not to be confused with Sarah Silverman herself: ''I mean, if you lived in my toilet, you'd think I was always peeing, right?''
Indeed, the mark of a genius is to boil down complex issues into terms that we can all understand and I totally got her point.
Here's Sarah on Jimmy Kimmel Live, educating us on one of the most important issues she's ever talked about:
You might be surprised what kind of lyrics managed to sneak into music back in the days before they could even fathom Elvis Presley and his lewd and lascivious pelvis, corrupting our nation's youth. Bluesmen routinely sang lyrics that their record companies were probably too square to pick up on. Tampa Red Whittaker wrote a song called ''Can I play with your poodle?'' that Pat Boone likely couldn't get away with but Lightnin' Hopkins recorded it, as did several others. Lightnin' sang among the other lyrics:
''Yes, two old maids that were layin' in the bed While one turned over, this is what she said: ''Can I play with your poodle?'' ''
This was in the 1940's . . .Hilariously raunchy for the 'good old days', ey? Pat Boone's version probably would have gone something like:
Two pally gals sat over on the couch One called the cat 'cause the other saw a mouse That mouse's tail looks like a noodle
. . . Or, something similar. I don't know. I'm not a songwriter.
You can find this gem on the CD: The complete Aladdin recordings
See Lightnin' play 'Baby, please don't go', on this video:
Lucy's quotes: From HBO's Mr. Show with Bob and David-Fourth season out now on DVD Under appreciated funny lady Jill Talley on Mr. Show gets poetic while announcing the winners of the ''tear drop'' awards: ''Sad songs are nature's onions.'' Becky Thyre adds: ''Sorrow is the key that gets our tears out of eye-jail.''
Some may call Mr. Show one of the most offensive comedies of all time...I think it's just downright poetic.
By the way, Check out one of the funniest parodies we've ever seen. Mr. Show's parody of Goodfellas, it's as much a parody of edited-for-TV movies:
JD was born on ruby Tuesday shortly after the great bifurcated rivet shortage of Denmark. It was nearly 19 years afterwards that he stumbled upon the idea of lukewarm fusion when staring really closely into the microwave during the great chocolate pop tart with peanut butter disaster of Northern America. Bla, bla, bla, then he realized elephants weren't meant for that kind of work, yadda, yadda, yadda and was unceremoniously kicked out of the Navel Orange Force and moved to the country where he now counts toothpicks, runs a blogger recovery support group and occasionally suffers from a painful weenis inflammation for which there is no known cure (other than gin and orange juice with some crushed ice and lots of love).
Lucy's brief biography:
Lucy was born in the mid to late or beginning part of a decade when the solstice was just shy of extemporaneous. Once she realized that she was not to be the next Lita Ford, she figured she would raise cats for no monetary reimbursement and blog about stuff. Somewhere in between she negotiated the Kittimer Accords and found a linty lozenge on MLK BLVD, therefore inspiring her to invent a fuel system for an automobile that worked only on water and eucalyptus oil. Anyway, she now dyes her hair Cayenne Red from the oo-that-burns-so-good dye manufacturer and spends much of her time petitioning to get Welcome Back, Kotter on the air again from her log cabin home in Inglesby, Minnesota.
Special Note on beliefs of the authors: BOTH blog authors firmly believe that the love you take is only equal to the love you make under the condition of Dingham's law when the transitive thermodynamic appendix of subatomic maturation will not exceed or succeed the rate of any kind of demolecularized convex or pyrexed dithyroxin monoparliamentary anti-romanticide solution of no greater than 3% by volume. So, although we're cool with the philosophical notion set forth by the lyric, we can under no uncertain terms purport that this circumstance circumvents or circumnavigates any potential scenario. So, in other words, if a nonlinear dispersible wave is non-invasive or perpetually inept as a magnitude of its own groovitational pull (see; groove theory of relativity by Korean doctor Thyn Wyte Dook), then it is truly polarized in a fashion of dynamic tubular Carbuncle Units Apt Sans statistical analyses of said unified physics or ''sunshine units''. Therefore, you can't really make that much love and you're left with some kind of an asymptomatic doodad for your undercover thunder-rolling if you catch our drift. Ask Stephen Hawking. He knows. He talked it over with Paul McCartney on that last PBS science special.
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