Hillary succeeds where Bill supposedly failed...ha ha ha

JD's quote:


On HBO's Real Time With Bill Maher, Bill has an odd but entertaining conversation with country music legend Merle Haggard. During this meeting of the minds, Bill manages to quickly and cleverly segue from Haggard's supposed support of Hillary Clinton to Merle's reference to pot in his hit song Okie from Muskogee...then Merle brings that entertaining discussion back around to Hillary. The conversation made the twist when Bill mentioned Willie Nelson, as Nelson IS the premiere pot-smoking country music icon. Then, the following:

Bill: But I know Willie is a very good friend of yours, I mean certainly you must have been around marijuana.

Merle: Oh, I've been around it. In fact, uh, we met Hillary, she came in Willie's bus and, and uh, of course, uh,...uh, she took a big whiff...and I think she inhaled.


Check out this video where Hillary is HILARIOUSLY disingenuous (You know, as opposed to just being annoyingly disingenuous like normal):

Nice Boy Floyd? (Larry Merchant quotes about Floyd Mayweather, Junior)

JD's quotes:


VS



Okay...I warned you I'd likely do it again with my quoting Larry Merchant. As a matter of fact, I'd like Say what? to be known as the #1 and best Larry Merchant quotes site. So, people are always wondering about why Larry and Floyd Mayweather Jr. aka Pretty Boy Floyd are at odds so often. Well, here are two examples of statements that may've damaged their relationship:

1. While the fighters were still making their way to the ring just before the Oscar De La Hoya VS Floyd Mayweather Jr. match-up, Larry starts in on Floyd like he does (I had to listen to it several times to hear what he was saying over my own laughter):

''Why is Oscar De La Hoya a Box Office superstar, . . . while Floyd Mayweather is a boxing star? Because Oscar won a gold and Floyd won a bronze? Because Oscar was a handsome man and Floyd was a nice looking man? Because Oscar has a crowd-pleasing style and Floyd does not?''

2. Before this, after Floyd had defeated Carlos Baldomir to win the welterweight championship, Larry and Jim Lampley had this conversation:

Lampley: So, Larry, Floyd Mayweather wins the welterweight championship with a flawless display of self defense, then breaks into tears at the news conference saying that he's under appreciated and vows that he's only going to fight one more time. What's goin' on?

Merchant: I think he bored himself to tears Jim.

Believe me, the fact that Larry wasn't present during the Jones VS Trinidad fight infuriates me to no end. If only Larry were there to say something about Roy's Rooster dance moves, I'd have gotten another quote out of him for you. Don't let this happen again, petition HBO on behalf of Larry Merchant!...Please! For the sake of sports humor and all that is holy! Alright, I'll shut up.

A St. Patrick's Day quote in advance

JD's quotes:


Scotland born actor David O'Hara played the scene-stealing Irishman in the epic movie Braveheart, famous for Mel Gibson running around with his face painted blue and a gigantic sword for something like 18 and a half hours. It was pretty good. While sitting through Titanic that one time I sat through it, I wished several times that instead of water flooding the ship, Mel Gibson and David O'Hara would burst into the room and take care of Leonardo DiCaprio once and for all.


In between gigantic battle scenes, William Wallace, Mel's character and historical icon of Scotland, is trying to expand his army as he travel's through the land. Enter Stephen, an Irishman who fled from Ireland because he's ''wanted''. Stephen, David O'Hara's character, refers to Ireland as ''my island'', wants to kill Englishmen for Wallace and from the start looks to the sky and converses with the almighty. After being asked about this quirk, he answers with what must be the greatest Celtic quote of all time:

''In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God.''

You've got to love Irish humility. Happy early St. Patty's Day, lads.

Check out Bob Newhart and old Bob Newhart show cronies spoofing Braveheart's popular William Wallace speech at the 1996 MTV Movie awards (Bob Newhart doing inspirational speeches...perfect):

Christopher Titus never fails to put the FUN in DysFUNctional

JD's quotes:

In the Christopher Titus Showtime Special Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding, Chris has fun talking about his dysfunctional upbringing in his dysfunctional family. Not only does he have time to make light of his mother being institutionalized and his father getting stopped for a DUI but he manages to slam The Rolling Stones and work in a Don Knotts reference. I think any comedian who gets Don Knotts into their routine deserves extra points, that's just the way I am. Don Knotts or any of his characters, Ralph Furley, Barney Fife, any of 'em. If they manage to play the Benny Hill theme song, that's an automatic ten of ten for me. I'm easy to please that way.

Here are some quotes from the appropriately titled Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding:

''My parents' divorce settlement involved a bar tab.''

''My first car was a 1977 Oldsmobile Delta 88. UGLY car. More ugly on this car than a Rolling Stones group photo.''

''Her and I had a fight Christmas Eve, watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer where I ended up calling the cops. Yeah, that earns me a white-trash black belt.''

''And my wife, who's about as devious as Don Knotts on sodium pentathol, grabs the phone out of my hand, looks at the phone, looks at me and goes SLAM! And I said ''Ahaaaa! Who's Randy?'' ''

Check out Chris in his show Titus as he brings out the humor in HIV testing:

Let's pretend O. J. Simpson was never in this one, okay? (Quotes from The Naked Gun)

Leslie Nielsen's character, Frank Drebin from the 1988 movie The Naked Gun: From the files of Police Squad!

JD's Quotes:

The Naked Gun series spoof a lot of works but are based off of a 1982 ABC TV series called Police Squad! which was canceled largely for being too hip for the room, so to speak. Leslie Nielsen starred in the series which ran for six episodes in total and took up the same role in the movie series. The math is simple in that there were half as many installments of the Naked Gun movies as there were the original Police Squad! episodes. At least people picked up on the comedy by the time it rolled around to the theatre, having revamped several of the show's gags to make the franchise a great success as far as comedies go. Here are some of the film's most memorable quotes:

1. George Kennedy as Captain Ed Hocken: He's alive Frank, though he's on life-support. Doctors say he's got a 50/50 chance of living,... though there's only a ten percent chance of that.

2. Hilarious innuendos:

Priscilla Presley as Jane Spencer: I've heard police work is dangerous
Leslie Nielsen as Lt. Frank Drebin: It is, that's why I carry a big gun
Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally?
Frank: I used to have that problem
Jane: And, what did you do about it?
Frank: I'd just think about baseball

3. Frank: Hey, that's a honey of an ankle bracelet you have there
Jane: Oh! Did it slip down there again?

4. Frank: How 'bout dinner? I know this little out of the way place that serves great Viking food.

5. Frank: It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy. Boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl and girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.
Jane: Goodyear?
Frank: No, the worst.

6. Frank: Jane, since I met you, I notice things that I never knew were there before; Birds singing,. . . dew glistening on a newly formed leaf,. . . stoplights.

If you haven't seen this flick, the dialogue is essentially like that throughout. Couple that with the added bonus of a great sight gag every few seconds and you really miss something every time you blink or answer the telephone. Even aside from the fact that it's packed full of punchlines of all kinds, how do you not like a series of movies with a recurring villain named Papshmir (You can guess how that's pronounced)? Furthermore, if Ricardo Montalban plays one of the bad guys, it doesn't matter if it's Star Trek or Naked Gun, it just works.



Want all three Naked Gun movies? Get them all complete with commentaries on this DVD set:




Check out a hilarious video montage from this classic comedy: