Doctors In Court: The Untold Story Revealed

(Cue the ominous music please): ...Ladies and Gentlemen,...I give you...the OTHER ''Say what''...



Okay, well, to be technical about it...We are ''Say what?'' and he is ''Say what?!''...so, not the same thing, really. That's a whole exclamation point's difference there, you see. Now that we've cleared that up, I'll tell you what I'm talking about. I'd like to plug one of my favorite sites which I found a few months ago, while trying to do searches for our site. I'm adding it to our blogroll too.



Here's a little background so you understand the quotes. The site is run by U.S. District Judge Jerry Buchmeyer who posts real life courtroom quotations, as in from actual trials and depositions that turned funny. I love this site. It's a web log also. I encourage everybody to check it out for a laugh. Although it received no comments, my post from Doctor William Campbell Douglass received several hits, so I'm encouraged to continue with my ''quotes from doctors'' label. This is from real life courtroom material here, once again.


Source: April 2004 post entitled: Defining the Specialties:

''This excerpt from the recent deposition of a doctor comes from Richard E. Hanson of Wichita Falls (Oldham & Hanson).

Q. But when it comes to a surgeon, you’re kind of separate and distinct from all the other medical specialties; that is, you actually go in and perform surgical procedures on the human body; is that correct?

A. Well, it brings to my mind an old aphorism. Internists, which is kind of what, in part, you know, gastroenterology is, they know everything but they don’t do anything. Now, surgeons aren’t supposed to know anything, but they do it all. Now, pathologists know everything and do everything, but it’s all too late. ''


Source: February 2000 post entitled: Subjective Complaints:



''From Nancy Doherty of Dallas (U.S. District Clerk of the Northern District of Texas), these "actual, unedited notes written by doctors on patients' medical charts".



The patient has no past history of suicide.


The patient is numb from the toes down.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.


The patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.


The patient's genitalia exam reveals that he is circus sized.


The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears depressed.


The patient, while in the ER, was examined, x-rated, and sent home.

The patient stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.''


Source: February 1997 post entitled: The Doctors Horn In:



''From Gerald B. Shifrin of Portland, Ore. - who "spent over 40 years practicing law on the Rio Grande in El Paso" - these excerpts from a newspaper story in The Oregonian showing "how the medical profession is trying to horn in on our humor." This is "actual dictation from actual doctors, as collected by medical transcriptionists."

''The patient injured her right fifth hand while playing basketball."

"SKIN: Somewhat pale but present."

"her children are 12, 10, and nine; husband is approximately the same age."

"Both the patient and the nurse reported passing flatus."

"Rectal examination revealed no masses but did show yellow shoes." ''


See more of these real courtroom moments at: http://www.texasbar.com/saywhat/weblog




Today's post is brought to you by:

The Chromium-Diabetes connection: Do you know about GTF?

Confucius say ''She who can do cartwheel can do anything, damn it!''

Lucy's quote:



~Parker Posey with new co-star Lauren Ambrose


Amy Sherman-Palladino's (Creator of Gilmore Girls) new show The Return of Jezebel James premiered today and immediately makes it onto Say what?. Not bad. The show stars Parker Posey playing successful book editor Sarah Thomkins and Lauren Ambrose (formerly Claire Fisher on HBO's Six Feet Under) playing her flaky little sister Coco Thomkins. Posey's character in the pilot episode realizes she wants a baby on a whim and is told by her doctor that it's impossible. Enter the following lines:


Sarah: Are you telling me I can't get pregnant?
Sarah's Doctor (Played by Amy Hill): Yes.
Sarah: No. I can get pregnant.
Doctor: Sarah!
Sarah: I can! Look. In high school, I really wanted to be a cheerleader, okay? But, I couldn't do a cartwheel. And to be a cheerleader, you had to do a cartwheel. So, one day, I went out into the backyard and I told myself ''I'm not going back in until I can do a cartwheel perfectly, both ways.''...I was back by dinner.
Doctor: This isn't a cartwheel.
Sarah: Cartwheels are hard.

To be continued...

Later on, Sarah consults her estranged little sister in order to ask her if she'll have a baby for her. Having not even bothered to mention why she'd ask, her sister freaks out. Sarah tells her the reason finally and when she does, we get this beautifully delayed punch line:

Sarah: I had the tests. I-The doctor said that I can't.
Coco: ...Did you tell him about the cartwheels?


PS: Who agrees with me that Buddy-the guy working with Sarah- bears a freakish similarity to George on Grey's Anatomy aka T. R. Knight? I checked, his name is Michael Arden and he's not T. R. Knight's little brother. Oh well.

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Jim Rome slams Nascar

~ ''Hey baby, check out our beards.'' and other pick-up lines that failed miserably.

VS


JD's quote:

Twin actors Jason and Randy Sklar hosted a show on ESPN Classic called Cheap Seats. Cheap Seats was like the sports version of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. I prefer MST3K but I'm not knocking Cheap Seats. Radio and TV show host Jim Rome (Jim Rome is Burning, The Jim Rome Show) made a funny cameo to stick up for none other than the facially and follicley athletic Beard and Mustache Competitions and to slam Nascar. Check out this strictly Romecentric commentary:


Jim Rome on Cheap Seats:


''Been a lot of talk out there lately about the legitimacy of beard competitions. Is it, or is it not a sport? My answer is simple and it comes in a neat four-word package. ''SHUT UP, it is.'' It's way more of a sport than Nascar. Karl-Heinz Hille is more of an athlete than Greg Biffle will ever be. Karl-Heinz can drive. I'd like to see Danica Patrick grow a beard. Not happening. Do you know how many years it takes to groom the perfect goatee? And, put this way, there are only two on record. One belongs to Fernando Vina and you are looking at the other one. And I'm sure Fernando would agree, it takes years and skill to pull this off. Now, bump it up a notch and grow your beard into a check mark or triple handlebars and you're talking a lifetime of commitment. And on top of that, it's finally a sport that the Swedes can dominate. So the next time you step up to me with the question ''Is a beard competition a sport?'' You ask yourself, ''Why the hell are Mach 3 turbo refills so damn expensive?''. There is your answer. I'm out.''



PS: All the really cool kids say MST3K, in case you were wondering.


Today's post is brought to you by:

*No ephedra
*No caffeine
*No stimulants at all!

It's an all-natural weight loss supplement. Try Slender fx for 90 days, it may be the help you've been looking for without the dangerous side effects that are typical of ''diet pills''. Find it and other premium health care products here- Capacity

She's a lumberjack and she's okay

JD's quotes:






Going backwards, here's a post on Hot Shots!, the world's best movie parody of Top Gun!...How many can there be? I've already covered Hot Shots! Part Deux, it's backwards because they ran on TV that way. Not my fault. Click on the Charlie Sheen tag at the bottom for the other post. Here is my list of most memorable quotes from Hot Shots!:


1. Ramada (played by Valeria Golino): Lieutenant, you're staring.

Topper (played by Charlie Sheen): No, not-not really. I'm lost in your eyes. That is the whitest white part of the eye I've ever seen...Do you floss?

Ramada: You're very confident aren't you?


2. Lt. Commander James Block (played by Kevin Dunn): Topper Harley?

Topper: Once, perhaps. Now I am called Tukachinchilla.

Block: What does it mean?

Topper: Fluffy Bunnyfeet


3. Kent (played by Cary Elwes): Something's changed, hasn't it? It's not another woman is it? I just couldn't compete with that.

Ramada: No, of course you couldn't.


4. Ramada: I don't want to be alone...and by the way, I can go all night like a lumberjack.


5. Topper before a hilarious parody of 9 and a half weeks: So, I take it you've been with a man before.

Ramada: I'm a virgin, ...I'm just not very good at it.


6. Topper: My Uncle used to tell me that not playing to win is like sleeping with your sister. Sure, she's a great piece of tail with a blouse full of goodies but it's just illegal.

Block: Jesus, Topper, come on.

Topper: Then you get into that whole inbred thing. Kids with no teeth who only play the banjo, eat apple sauce through a straw, pork farm animals.

Block: Topper, that's enough.

Topper: I think you get my point, sir.



An interesting or possibly uninteresting piece of information:

Fans of Two and a Half Men, starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer can see the two of them in a much earlier collaboration in Hot Shots! as not only is Charlie the star but Jon Cryer plays Jim 'Wash Out' Pfaffenbach along with him. Alright, so, maybe it wasn't completely interesting...sue me.

Check out a scene from Hot Shots! during ''Dead Meat'' Thompson's funeral...Funerals, definitely a breeding ground for laughs. This contains one of my favorite funny funerals...of which there are many. See Lloyd Bridges as Admiral Benson, who works in a Godfather parody during the eulogy and Heidi Swedberg as Dead Meat's wife. Seinfeld fans will recognize Heidi who played George Costanza's unfortunate fiance.






Today's post is brought to you by:

The Chromium-Diabetes connection: Do you know about GTF?

MMM, Cheap Ethnic Women

JD's quote:


Radio - talk about a beautiful place to gather quotes. Every host needs to fill time on talk radio and what comes out of their mouths is almost made for our site. Among the best are local radio guys. In the case of WNIR's Akron, Ohio talk radio host Howie Chizek, he's had about 300,000 people that have been tuning in, according to Wikipedia. Still, thankfully, Chizek gets away with almost anything he likes. Thankfully for me, that is. I love listening to Howie above all other local or national guys. Not only does he manage to often be inadvertently funny but he is also a financial adviser and expert on family values...or at least he plays one on the radio. He let go a good one yesterday and I thought I'd share it with you.

Howie Chizek:

''Women don't look at prices. The suburban American princesses, they don't look at prices. But uh, the ethnic women do. Like the Italians, they always look at prices. Good women!''

Howie, you are my radio version of Larry Merchant. Thanks for the laughs.


Today's post is brought to you by:

*No ephedra
*No caffeine
*No stimulants at all!

It's an all-natural weight loss supplement. Try Slender fx for 90 days, it may be the help you've been looking for without the dangerous side effects that are typical of ''diet pills''. Find it and other premium health care products here- Capacity