The hippies were right, you CAN make anything out of hemp! (Quotes from Hot Shots!)

JD's quotes:

The two Hot Shots! films were basically parodies brimming with sight gags. The first Hot Shots! movie was mostly a parody of Top Gun, while the second parodied the Rambo films, explaining why it's as muscular as Charlie Sheen has ever had to be for a role. I just saw a list of celebrities that had been suspected in steroid use and Sheen made the list just for this movie. Carrot Top managed to also make that list, so it's a pretty scary list. Anyway, Part Deux, a Jim Abrahams film through and through had so many sight gags, it may have been hard to fully appreciate the dialogue, which was every bit as goofy. In this movie, Topper Harley, Charlie's character, is reunited with his long lost love from the first film-Ramada, played by Valeria Golino. Part Deux parodies so many things, if you're most people, you'll miss several bits. Richard Crenna's playing a parody of himself in the Rambo movies is great but they even had Lloyd Bridges parodying himself from his old show Sea Hunt!

How many people got that? Here are some quotes from HSPD...that's right...I abbreviated it as if only the cool kids would know what I meant...or as if it saved a significant amount of typing time...which it doesn't. ...So here are the quotes:

1. Topper to Ramada: Sorry sweetheart, but this all-day sucker is down to the soggy white stick.

2. Ramada: He opened my eyes to the arts, music, clog dancing, WrestleMania.

3. Harley to Harbinger (played by Miguel Ferrer): Hey, look. I'm not saying I don't trust you and I'm not saying I do. But I don't.

4. Colonel Walters (played by Richard Crenna): And that Dim Sum fighting in the warehouse, yesterday?

Topper: Oh, I just do that for the extra money, and to satisfy my male cravings to kill and win.

5. My favorite character, the hilariously aloof President Tug Benson (played by Lloyd Bridges):

Damn tongue's gone dry on me. It's not mine, you know. No, I lost mine in Laos, little commie kid lopped it right off, probably a doorstop somewhere for all I know. Got this one from a basset hound.

6. President Benson to Saddam Hussein (played by Jerry Haleva): We'll settle this the old Navy way. First guy to die, loses!

7. President Benson explaining why he doesn't feel well:

My intestines were removed during action in the North Atlantic. Took a torpedo in the lower abdomen and they replaced every foot of my bowel with hemp-Clogs easily.

See quotes from the Hot Shots! sequel, here: http://hoeno.blogspot.com/2008/03/shes-lumberjack-and-shes-okay.html

Check out: Lucy's Top Ten List

JD's non-quote (I'm just talking):

Hi everyone, I just wanted to give a shout out to our new friends at the recently made humor site at http://lazythirdeye.blogspot.com/ whose first post was written by none other than our own Lucy. Dumbfounding me, the post is called ''Top ten things you never get to hear in porn'' and the permalink is here: http://lazythirdeye.blogspot.com/2008/02/top-ten-things-you-never-get-to-hear-in.html

Best of luck to Lazy Third Eye on their new site and congratulations on a hilarious name...which happens to be the name of a condition I've been afflicted with, so I don't find it personally very funny. My third eye started to lose gumption back in the day after an incident with a unique chair lifting contest, and well...Anyway, please check them out.

Also, if you're a blogger of the humorous kind, you're going to want to check out Lazy Third Eye because they want to put your content on display. They want you to make a contribution post for them to publish and give you an advertisement in return. They want original content from you though, not permission to reprint. If you'd like to drive traffic to your site and you think you've got a good enough idea, get in touch with LTE and see if they like your site. They'll look at your site, if they like it, you can submit new material, they'll make sure it's original, then post your material, with your name or writing alias and your web address and put you on their list of humor blogs on the right. You must also link to them, such as we are doing now. We had no problem with that (we meaning Lucy because I didn't know about it until this morning) so, we got a spot on their site. You might be able to as well. Check them out.

Well, we've plugged Lazy Third Eye- a full day's work and now we'll get back to our regularly scheduled programming. Thanks for listening, keep coming back and please share with friends, family, people you've never met and those not good enough to make it past acquaintance status.


~JD

Oh Snap! That's...that's harsh. (A merciless Benny quote from The George Lopez Show)

Lucy's quotes:

Sadly, the George Lopez show isn't on the air for another season but they had a lot of great exchanges we can remember them by, especially with Belita Moreno as George's mom Benny. Here's one of many from when George's estranged father passes away (Death, a perfect breeding ground for comedy, you know it) :


Mr. Carrillo (played by Daniel Edward Mora): Hey, George, I heard about your dad. I'm very sorry.

George: Thanks

Mr. Carrillo: When's the service?

Angie (played by Constance Marie): It's Saturday, in Arizona. We're leaving tomorow.

Benny: Well, I'm not going...I was married to the guy. I saw enough of him laying down and not moving.


Check out a gratuitous youtube video clip of George on Jimmy Kimmel Live for no reason:

This just in: Experts say, that if you're feeling froggy, DON'T JUMP!

Lucy's quotes:

Which one is which?


Will Ferrell was only one of the SNL players to do a George W. Bush impression. In case you're one of the readers who don't know George, he is the current president of Texas. Will may not have been known for the art of straight impressions but he did master the ''W'' vibe. You know the one, the ''I'm much smarter in real life than on camera'' thing. ''Hey America, the camera adds ten pounds and takes away 30 IQ points.'' SNL's political humor has benefited so much from ''W''. SNL will miss George like JD will miss Larry Merchant.

Will Ferrell as George W. Bush:

''And, don't forget France. The French don't like me sayin' ''Axis of Evil''. So, guess what? They are now part of the very same Axis of Evil, that they don't like me sayin'. How do ya like them apples France? Next time, you keep your mouth shut. You mess with Texas and it's straight to the Axis of Evil. Got it?''

That's right France, watch your ass. We will absolutely bomb you. We roll like that. As a matter of fact, the CIA is well aware of your attack on America. We've got files on your military operation ''Le Katrina''. You're goin' down! You hate us for our Freedom! Or, we'll attack Sweden, there's probably some French people there. Europeans are all connected...

It is the worst of men's fashion

JD'S quotes:

Still Standing, a sitcom starring Mark Addy and Jami Gertz as Bill and Judy Miller, was honored by comic legend Rodney Dangerfield when he briefly appeared as their neighbor, Ed Bailey. Here's a piece of their brief encounter on the show that puts an image in my head I find unable to remove but still pretty dadblame funny:


Mark Addy as Bill: You know, you haven't been such a great neighbor yourself. You remember that time I came over to be sociable and you threw me out?

Rodney Dangerfield as neighbor Ed Bailey: Hey, I caught you naked in my hot tub.

Bill: Hey, hey, I wasn't naked. I was wearin' a Speedo that kept ridin' up on me.