Yeah, why exactly DID Yankee Doodle call it macaroni?

JD's quotes:

If you have yet to see it, the former star of HBO's Arliss, Robert Wuhl has done two presentations to college students about history for television and they are two of the most worthwhile history programs that you'll see. They were on HBO, not PBS or The History Channel, interestingly enough. As a History Channel junkie, I'm giving some major praise here. The program is called Assume The Position With Mr. Wuhl and Mr. Wuhl gives the class and viewers at home one of the most entertaining and enlightening lessons in history, that they can ask for and brings some hefty enthusiasm with him. Of course, this includes enthusiastically dropping a few F-bombs just to get your attention-it is HBO after all. If only your average professor were like Mr. Wuhl. Across the first Assume The Position, Wuhl simply introduces his basic philosophy of history...he assumes the position that it's nothing but pop culture. He backs this up by explaining who in the living crap Israel Bissell was, how similar old 19th century authors were to the likes of Quentin Tarantino and Steven Tyler and why in the name of Aunt Fanny's Nanny Yankee Doodle would call that feather in his cap macaroni of all things. The second installment was great as well but here are my favorite quotes from the first Assume The Position, now showing on HBO again:

1. ''So, this world-is-round story is 100% bullsh!t.'' -Wuhl says this while shattering a huge Christopher Columbus myth with an appropriate and understandable level of glee.

2. ''You remember Rip Van Winkle,...story about a man who has a nagging wife. He gets drunk, goes to sleep for 20 years, wakes up, his wife is dead and he lives happily ever after. ''

3. ''Not that Academy awards are the be-all and end-all of everything. I mean, Ben Affleck's got a f**kin' Oscar for God's sakes! ''


After Wuhl puts up a picture of a man on a horse in colonial dress he asks:

4. ''How about this guy? 1775, Boston, Massachusetts: A British postal worker, 23-years-old. A postal rider, hears that the British are invading. He gets on a horse and rides 350 miles to warn the colonists. And his name is? (The students dully drone in unison ''Paul Revere'' and Wuhl gladly corrects them) His name is Israel Bissell...''

5. ''So, right off the bat, our country is based upon a grammatical f**k-up!''

Lastly, after showing a very helpful and eye-opening visual aid:

6. ''I think it's safe to assume the position that there was no such thing as a colonial quickie.''

American Dad inadvertently advocates for the health benefits of the pomegranate

~The very talented cast of American Dad

JD's quotes:

Today's quote comes from Seth MacFarlane's other brainchild, the also animated American Dad, which is the next best thing to Family Guy. Although Family Guy is easily my favorite of the two, American Dad is growing on me a bit. I especially like Roger, the alien who could not remind me more of Paul Lynde.



Roger (Voiced by Seth MacFarlane himself): Ah, it was a pomegranate. That's what was in my teeth. Look at this thing. Looks like a woman's baby cannon.

Stan (Also voiced by Seth): I know we're in the middle of a show but that was American Dad's 1,000th vagina joke!

Roger: Oh my God!

Steve (Voiced by Scott Grimes- who also plays Dr. Morris on ER): Your brand new Cutlass Supreme is waiting outside.

Anonymous audience member (Voiced by anonymous person): Speech! Speech!

Roger: Ok-Okay, Okay! Thank you. Um, wow, our 1,000th vagina joke. Gosh, where do I start? Um, I guess I'd like to thank vaginas everywhere. They're creepy and I don't know what they're for but boy are they funny. Thank you!


Congratulations to American Dad on this milestone achievement. Thanks to our quoting this scene, 'Say what?' is now achieving its first usage of the word vagina. So, congratulations to us as well. We simply couldn't be prouder.

I heard that (A Jimmy Fallon quote)

Lucy's quotes:

As you all may know by now...we love the deeply quotable Weekend Update segment from SNL, and they have had and continue to have many perfect stand alone jokes. So, we often quote them one joke at a time so they have a chance to dig into your brain and sit a while. Can ya dig it?
From my favorite incarnation of WU, the Fey/Fallon team, here's one from that dear, sweet boy Jimmy Fallon:


Jimmy:

Stevie Wonder is being sued for over forty million dollars by an ex-girlfriend who claims the singer agreed to support her after he gave her genital herpes. In response, Stevie said ''I have never seen that woman before in my life.''


...

...

...

The hippies were right, you CAN make anything out of hemp! (Quotes from Hot Shots!)

JD's quotes:

The two Hot Shots! films were basically parodies brimming with sight gags. The first Hot Shots! movie was mostly a parody of Top Gun, while the second parodied the Rambo films, explaining why it's as muscular as Charlie Sheen has ever had to be for a role. I just saw a list of celebrities that had been suspected in steroid use and Sheen made the list just for this movie. Carrot Top managed to also make that list, so it's a pretty scary list. Anyway, Part Deux, a Jim Abrahams film through and through had so many sight gags, it may have been hard to fully appreciate the dialogue, which was every bit as goofy. In this movie, Topper Harley, Charlie's character, is reunited with his long lost love from the first film-Ramada, played by Valeria Golino. Part Deux parodies so many things, if you're most people, you'll miss several bits. Richard Crenna's playing a parody of himself in the Rambo movies is great but they even had Lloyd Bridges parodying himself from his old show Sea Hunt!

How many people got that? Here are some quotes from HSPD...that's right...I abbreviated it as if only the cool kids would know what I meant...or as if it saved a significant amount of typing time...which it doesn't. ...So here are the quotes:

1. Topper to Ramada: Sorry sweetheart, but this all-day sucker is down to the soggy white stick.

2. Ramada: He opened my eyes to the arts, music, clog dancing, WrestleMania.

3. Harley to Harbinger (played by Miguel Ferrer): Hey, look. I'm not saying I don't trust you and I'm not saying I do. But I don't.

4. Colonel Walters (played by Richard Crenna): And that Dim Sum fighting in the warehouse, yesterday?

Topper: Oh, I just do that for the extra money, and to satisfy my male cravings to kill and win.

5. My favorite character, the hilariously aloof President Tug Benson (played by Lloyd Bridges):

Damn tongue's gone dry on me. It's not mine, you know. No, I lost mine in Laos, little commie kid lopped it right off, probably a doorstop somewhere for all I know. Got this one from a basset hound.

6. President Benson to Saddam Hussein (played by Jerry Haleva): We'll settle this the old Navy way. First guy to die, loses!

7. President Benson explaining why he doesn't feel well:

My intestines were removed during action in the North Atlantic. Took a torpedo in the lower abdomen and they replaced every foot of my bowel with hemp-Clogs easily.

See quotes from the Hot Shots! sequel, here: http://hoeno.blogspot.com/2008/03/shes-lumberjack-and-shes-okay.html

Check out: Lucy's Top Ten List

JD's non-quote (I'm just talking):

Hi everyone, I just wanted to give a shout out to our new friends at the recently made humor site at http://lazythirdeye.blogspot.com/ whose first post was written by none other than our own Lucy. Dumbfounding me, the post is called ''Top ten things you never get to hear in porn'' and the permalink is here: http://lazythirdeye.blogspot.com/2008/02/top-ten-things-you-never-get-to-hear-in.html

Best of luck to Lazy Third Eye on their new site and congratulations on a hilarious name...which happens to be the name of a condition I've been afflicted with, so I don't find it personally very funny. My third eye started to lose gumption back in the day after an incident with a unique chair lifting contest, and well...Anyway, please check them out.

Also, if you're a blogger of the humorous kind, you're going to want to check out Lazy Third Eye because they want to put your content on display. They want you to make a contribution post for them to publish and give you an advertisement in return. They want original content from you though, not permission to reprint. If you'd like to drive traffic to your site and you think you've got a good enough idea, get in touch with LTE and see if they like your site. They'll look at your site, if they like it, you can submit new material, they'll make sure it's original, then post your material, with your name or writing alias and your web address and put you on their list of humor blogs on the right. You must also link to them, such as we are doing now. We had no problem with that (we meaning Lucy because I didn't know about it until this morning) so, we got a spot on their site. You might be able to as well. Check them out.

Well, we've plugged Lazy Third Eye- a full day's work and now we'll get back to our regularly scheduled programming. Thanks for listening, keep coming back and please share with friends, family, people you've never met and those not good enough to make it past acquaintance status.


~JD