Merle Haggard's ''My House of Memories'' For the record with Tom Carter is about as frank as you can expect a person to get. Similar to the Waylon Jennings autobiography, it may go through an awful lot of the bad times but there's still some humor to be found. I'll say this however, a humorous tone is far more scarce in Hag's account of life than many of his peers like Waylon Jennings and Johnny Cash. Here are some quotes from the book:
Haggard on Interpersonal Relationships:
''I don't want to mention her name. But I want to thank her for leaving me. Seriously.''
''One of the ladies of the evening looked at me and said, ''I'm not touching that kid with a ten-foot pole, he's not eighteen!'' My own personal ''Shelley Winters'' came quickly back with an answer for the problem. ''I'll baby-sit with him.'' She was the first and the greatest.''
''Any man who doesn't know the difference between sex and making love is wasting his erections.''
''She has been friends with each of my three wives since her, and in the late 1970s and early 1980s she even sang backup for the wife who wanted to be an entertainer.'' ~refers to Bonnie Owens-Buck Owens former wife as well as Merle's.
''She actually woke Dolly up, and I sang the song about being in love with her into the telephone as she lay half dozing beside her husband. He's never wanted to meet me.'' ~referring to Dolly Parton.
''I didn't really propose to Leona. I just mentioned to Lowell that it might be a good idea if Leona and I got married, and she happened to be standing there when I said it.''
''I can't thank her enough for divorcing me.''
''But she never got off of me about my doing the horizontal bop with those strippers.''
Miscellaneous:''Some official from the American Legion Hall had found his way over to the microphone and said, ''Would the musicians who started this fight, please leave? Your services are no longer needed!'' ''
''I started to speak to her, but didn't get the chance. ''Now look here,'' she said. ''I don't care who you are, you're going to get a massage and nothing else. I mean nothing else!'' She was implying that I wanted a sexual favor while my foxy wife was sitting right there.''
''I had met George Jones earlier, when he was playing the Blackboard. He had heard me singing and got drunk and wouldn't come onstage. He's been my biggest fan ever since.''
''It sounded like a big elephant fart spiraling from a great height toward the ground.''
''Cash reached over the middle of the limo seat, grabbed a long .44 pistol with one hand and opened the door with the other...'' ~ Read the book to get the rest of that Johnny Cash tidbit.
The Law and the Hag:
''It was much harder to break out of a California penal institution than it was the Oildale School District facility for truants.''
''Reporters and the general public have always been fascinated by my juvenile delinquency.''
''The officer rolled down his window, probably so he couldn't smell me, as we rode in silence back to Nelles.''
''I started the engine, slowly released the clutch, and probably attained a getaway speed of five miles per hour.''
''For the first time in my criminal career, I became worthy of helicopters.''
''The next day was firsthand exposure to life in the desert. We had no food or water and all the beer was gone. We were dehydrated, hung-over, thirsty, sweating, hungry and no longer having a very good time.'' ~After ditching cops to journey into the desert.
''I had never experienced anything like it. They say if you tell somebody he's on LSD his trip is good. They didn't tell me.''
There you have a good summary of the book, elephantine flatulence, multiple divorces and unexpected trips.
Check out one of the rarest country music clips I can think of-Merle Haggard imitating Marty Robbins on stage next to him. Merle could do a mean impression, no?