Thursday, July 17, 2008

Say what's Awards For Best Humor Blogs: In Another News...We're Goin' To Disneyland!

Photobucket ~ This is what our award looks like. Yours looks the same.

Okay, to date, we have only made two non-quote posts. Once to plug a guest post that Lucy did on LTE and once when we both tried to help spread the word to save a show we grew very fond of called Journeyman. Now, these posts...they pretty much never got hit on and almost nobody saw them. So, here's the thing. We have been involved in an ingenious plot from Our buddy, Crotchety, has received an Amy oops! award from a blogging buddy and the rules involve a pay it forward process. Our understanding is that he, in order to legitimately claim this award must award five other people and somewhere down the line Haley Joel Osment dies in a horrible knifing incident. No, we're kidding. He'll be fine.

Anyway, this is pretty smart because people like awards and they will likely participate to be able to fully appreciate said award in legitimate fashion. We are proud to state that we've received this award from Crotchety and will be legitimately winners after this post is published. So. in order to not make this our third unread, never hit upon non-quote page, we will instead quote the blogs we award, in full compliance with both stated award rules and additionally remain in compliance with Say what's ''keep it quote-full'' rules. Ha! We rule! Damn, we're smart. So the following are 3 humorous quotes from each of our 5 chosen blogs:

Okay, keeping in line with the rules, the credit must go to for the award and picture. We got that down. She's mentioned. Secondly, we must mention the man that made this directly possible for us-Crotchety. He is at What can you expect at Crotchety's site? It declares: ''Crotchety Old Man Yells At Cars: Baseball, television, political rants, cars, money, and general nonsensensical ponderings of my universe.''

JD will take this one, handing out our first award.

And Say what's winner of the Amy oops! humor blog award for the category of ''Best rivalry with a famous weight loss pundit'' goes to... Crotchety from

JD's 3 quotes from Crotchety:

I am fascinated by Crotchety's everlasting obsession with Richard Simmons. I love it. Relax, it's a rivalry. He's not a fan. Here are some selected quotes from him on the subject:

1. Crotchety contemplate's catharsis:

''I began to make a list of some things I could do to release this anger:

1. Tear the tags off mattresses -- too cliché
2. Write a letter to my Congressperson --too Republican
3. Join a think tank group-- too Democratic
4. Make fun of Richard Simmons --too easy''

2. Crotchety presenting a Richard Simmons Birthday bash with some of his most awe-strikingly horrifying videos:

''Grab a piece of sweat resistant birthday cake, and watch a few minutes of some of the funniest video around.''

3. Lastly, Crotchety has a temporary change of heart?:

''I thought about that day for weeks. Maybe Richard Simmons wasn't such a tool. Perhaps he wasn't a slimy, money grubbing shill.''

Okay, Lucy will handle our second award now.

And the winner of Say what's Amy oops! humor blog award for the category of ''Best WTF humor'' goes to... the Lazy Third Eye team at

Lucy's 3 quotes from Lazy Third Eye:

1. In Jake The Flake's Top Ten Fun Facts...Keeping in mind they are geared towards the lesser-known. Number four:

''Milton Berle, of all the famous men in show business, is reputed to have had an infamously gigantic penis to put all the rest to shame. Apparently, everyone who knew him was aware of this endowment, especially since he wasn't known to be shy about pulling it out as a conversation piece.''

2. From Stream of Consciousness Eddie:

''My doctor said it seems I don't really have ADD after all. It turns out it's much more likely that I'm too rude to pay attention if I'm bored. Go figure.''

3. And from a post called ''Excerpts from the mystery novel, I Spy A Spy's Spy With A Spy's Eye'' that made JD laugh harder than I did for a change:

''Why, those weren't random queefs at all', thought Agent 00.2, in quite a queef-stricken state. Dear, God, they were purposeful, willful, intelligent in pattern, controlled and cunning! Why hadn't he realized that it was Russian but in Morse code?''

Okay, JD will take this next one.

And Say what's winner of the Amy oops! humor blog award for the category of ''Most Humorous Serious Blog'' goes to... Jack Payne at where he does his best to accurately inform you about the current day's scams and how you can avoid them. Although the site is meant to be serious and a helpful resource, Jack still has an often funny way of getting his points across.

Among Jack's words of wisdom doled out during his helpful posts are:

1. ''Remember, you are not drunk if you pass out on the floor without hanging on.''

2. ''At times it seems reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.''

3. ''(Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.)''

JD & Lucy will take this one together.

And Say what's winner of the Amy oops! humor blog award for the category of ''Best Purely Satirical News Stories'' goes to...Chris from The Lost News at

JD & Lucy's 3 quotes:

1. In what is really a tribute to Tim Russert after his passing, the lost news credits his hard edged journalism with a satire piece of God being grilled by Russert on the suspicious nature of one of his creations:

'' “Would it come as a shock to you that we have reports from the Creation that say that the platypus was not an intentional creation, but a mish-mash of left over parts?”

“Wow, it is hot under these lights. Isn't it?” asked God clearly starting to sweat.''

2. Just in the headlines are captured all the satirically funny qualities and give us such great quotes as ''Opponent Of Gay Marriage Admits He Really Doesn't Have Anything Better To Do'', ''Local Anchorwoman Nails Segue From AIDS To Brangelina'', and ''New Restaurant 'BLTs R US' Hit Hard By Tomato Recall''.

3. And in another funny title, ''To Ease Energy Concerns, President Bush Calls For Offshore Oil Drilling And The Degreasing of Sha Na Na'', we have:

“With ordinary Americans hurting and my oil buddies already having houses at the beach and Aspen, it is time to bring these oil prices down,” said Bush. “And we can do that by finding new sources for oil, such as off our coasts and off Bowzer’s head.”

Unfortunately, if you laughed at that last one, you have now dated yourself as old. Join the club.

JD will take this last one because I haven't napped yet.

And Say what's winner of the Amy oops! humor blog award for the category of ''Best Anecdotes'' goes to...(Cue the ominous music) Judge Jerry Buchmeyer at...The...OTHER...Say what?!. Yes, we found out there's another one out there. This one is real life courtroom and other legal humor as compiled by the real life Texas Judge. I love this site. Here are JD's 3 quotes from that other Say what?!:

1. ''Q. Has anyone led you to believe the governor will pardon you if you plead guilty?
A. Well, I haven't been home judge, but he might have called my mother.''

2. Asked of a witness in an automobile accident case:

''Q. How far were you from it when you hit it? ''

3. Lastly, the ultimate slacker witness:

''Q. What do you do for a living?
A. I help my brother.
Q. What does your brother do?
A. Nothing.''

We would like to congratulate our winners and thank our benefactors and the Academy. There will however be no gift baskets. Times are tight, fellow bloggers. Times are tight.