Thursday, March 20, 2008

Easter Quotes: The Comedians All Agree

JD's quotes:

Well, it's almost Easter. The day comedians have been confused about for years. Here are just three examples in modern comic history:

eddie ~ Eddie Izzard: Actor, writer, comedian, tranny...Englishman, etc.

Eddie, from HBO special Dress To Kill:

''And then kids eat chocolate eggs, because the color of the chocolate and the color of the wood on the cross...Well, you tell me? It's got nothing to do with it, has it?

You have people going-'' 'member kids''- the kids are eating the chocolate eggs-they're going '' 'Member kids, Jesus died for your sins.''

''Yeah, I know, it's great.''
''No, no, no, it's bad, it's bad.''
''No, it's bad, it's very's terrible. Whatever you want. I mean, just keep giving me these eggs.''

And the bunny rabbits, where do they come into the crucifixion?''

Eddie Izzard is the sometime ''executive'' transvestite comedian and actor who plays on the comically and dramatically rich FX program The Riches, currently starting their second season.

jim gaffigan ~ Jim Gaffigan in his stand-up act:

Jim using his anonymous other voices on stage:

''Easter, that's a weird tradition.

Female voice: Easter, the day Jesus rose from the dead. What should we do?

Male voice: How 'bout eggs?!

Female voice: Well, w-what does that have to do with Jesus?

Male voice: Alright, we'll hide 'em.

Female voice: I don't...I don't follow your logic.

Male voice: Don't worry, there's a bunny.''

Jim is famous for a gag started for Late Night with Conan O'Brien where he had a cartoon made, with his own voice added, in which he and Conan are super heroes. Jim is portrayed as being the definition of masculinity and Conan as a feminine weakling. Pale Force, the name of the cartoon series, is a joke referring to his and Conan's uniquely pale skin. Unique even for two white guys without tans. That's pale...that's pale. See episodes of this cartoon at, here: Conan O'Brien & Jim Gaffigan - Pale Force TV Show, Series - Episode Video Clips and Photos - NBC Official Site

Comedian Bill Hicks ~ Bill Hicks, controversial stand-up comedian:

Bill, from his stand-up routine:

''I was over in Australia, uh, during Easter, which was interesting. Interesting to note, they celebrate Easter the same way we do. Commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus, by telling our children, a Giant BUNNY RABBIT......left chocolate eggs in the night. Now,...I wonder why we're f**ked up as a race. Anybody? Anybody got any clues out there, or...? Where do you get this sh!t from, you know? Why those two things, you know?

Why not goldfish left Lincoln logs in your sock drawer, you know? Long as we're makin' sh!t up, go hog wild, you know? At least a goldfish with a Lincoln log on it's back goin' across your floor to your sock drawer has a miraculous connotation to it.

Childlike voice: Mummy, I woke up today and there was a Lincoln log in me sock drawer!...that's the story of Jesus.''

Bill Hicks is possibly even lesser known than Jim and Eddie. You may remember incidents involving this now deceased and often controversial comic. He once had his entire segment cut out of an episode of The Late Show with David Letterman and before his death there was intense debate among many as to whether or not comedian Denis Leary stole some of Bill's material. Some thought Denis had even lifted Bill's entire persona. Some argued that it was the other way around. Some didn't give a rat's rectum. Some didn't know either of them anyway.

And a very special, heartwarming Easter video just for you:

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