Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Just one of the things that can ruin a marriage (Medical advice from Leon Phelps)

JD's quotes:

One of my favorite SNL characters was Leon Phelps-The Ladies' Man. He doles out advice during a call-in show with a lisp, some Courvoisier cognac and a 1970s fashion sense. One of the funniest things about Leon is that even though he is clearly a womanizer as well as an idiot, he genuinely is trying to help people. He's really trying to be a good guy and solve problems. . . He's a little bit like a black, swinger version of Dr. Phil.

SNL survivor, Tim Meadows as The Ladies' Man Leon Phelps helping a distraught male caller:

''Yeah, your wang is scared. I suggest that you get over it soon before your wife hooks up with someone with a more courageous wang.''

. . . Thanks, Leon. We'll all fight the dreaded wang fear that has been destroying marriages for hundreds of years! Sorry to be so dramatic but wang fear is a very serious and dramatic subject. I promise to keep it lighter in the next post. I hate dragging people down.

Putting the FUN in FUNerals: Our pick for best Mike Birbiglia quote and sentiment

Lucy and JD's quotes:

From Mike Birbiglia during his stand up act on Late Night With Conan O'Brien:

''I was at a funeral recently and they handed out Kleenex at the beginning of the funeral, which I thought was cocky.''

If you're not cool enough to understand that one, just take your time. I'm sure you'll get there. We have faith in you, grasshopper.

Watch the youtube clip of Mike's hilarious take on religious music:

Sunday, November 25, 2007

. . .And, the critics did not rejoice (To quote a review of Rocky Balboa)

JD's quote:

There is a kind of pure bitterness which is unique to TV and movie critics. A kind of hatred and disgust that comes with the territory when a person is forced to review thousands of hours of ''acting''. I have a guilty pleasure for seeing how insulting and unfair critics can actually be and one of the most perfect opportunities for critics to go nuts-the last Rocky Sequel. Stephen Holden reviewed Rocky Balboa [Rocky movie number six, that is] in the New York Times and although it[the review] wasn't all bad,. . .one part just made me cringe. And I quote . . .

Stephen Holden:

''Mr. Stallone’s body is a sight. A weightlifter’s slab of aged meat, knotted with tiny hard veins popping out of the shoulders, it is just this side of muscle-bound and somewhat grotesque. It is something you might see hung in the window of a steak house and wonder what kind of carnivore would order such a leathery, sinewy carcass.''

. . . You know,. . .they pick on you when you're out of shape, they pick on you when you're in shape. . .come on. This was TANGO from Tango and Cash. Show some respect, damn you! . . . Whoa, sorry. I didn't mean to get so heated there. I'm just a really big fan of that movie. . .

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

That FYI from Jeff Garlin could be a lie spawned from silliness. . .So, watch out.

Lucy's quote:

From Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Conan's former roommate and co-star of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Jeff Garlin sets up a clip for his movie I want someone to eat cheese with and gives us what might be inaccurate information...except for the dreidel. That we believe Jeff.

Jeff Garlin: '' I, uh, did all my own stunts...I made my costume out of rice...and I have a chocolate dreidel in my pants.''

Jeff Garlin is hopelessly silly. That's why I like him. He can't help himself. Sometimes I'll watch him and he gets this pre-grin expression on his face and I know that he knows he's going to say something that is silly and he's embarrassed by its somewhat superfluously silly nature but I also know that he knows that he's going to say it anyway. Like I said . . . The man just can't help his self. It's endearing.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Stephen King's musings on coolness: It's a profound thing

JD & Lucy's Quote:

Stephen King plays with the minds of the thin-skinned with his recent EW column. He mentions that Tom Hanks-star of SK movie ''The Green Mile''- is the best consistently non-cool male actor and that Michael Crichton can't help being 6'9 and not cool. Stephen also seems to have a very high opinion of Viagra ADS? Here's a quote from his recently spat, mental loogie.

Stephen King: ''Many kinds of boots come with square toes, but they are not cool; boots with square toes are and always will be ''country s---kickers.'' ''

See who else Stephen slyly goofs with on this NTBTS list. [Not To Be Taken Seriously] ...by the way...Stephen King is cool...on his list. He can't help it.

Stephen King on who's cool (and who's not) Pop of King News + Notes Entertainment Weekly

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Sir Bill Maher

JD's quotes:

From Real Time With Bill Maher:

When watching Bill Maher interviewing the former head of the CIA's Bin Laden Unit, Michael Sheuer, you may notice that Sheuer has an affinity for a certain word whether he means it respectfully or in a mock civility. In an interview roughly seven minutes long, here is every usage of that certain word. . . Count them with me if you can guess which one it is.

1. Fine sir, thank you, good evening.

2. I appreciated the comment, sir.

3. What I've said sir is- (Interrupted)

4. If he was a terrorist, sir he would be a lethal nuisance to the United States.

5. He's not running for an election, SIR.

6. As an inspirerer he's very important, SIR.

7. I have no idea really, SIR but I don't think it's all that important.

8. I think we can reduce it very seriously, SIR.

9. Not only Israel, SIR but Saudi Arabia or Kuwait or Bolivia.

10. What I'm telling you, SIR is I'm most interested in the survival of the United States.

11. So what, SIR?

12. We'll get by just fine, SIR.

13. What I'm saying, SIR is we should've revisited the situation after 1973...

14. Yes, SIR.

15. Yes, SIR. I said that exactly.

16. Absolutely, SIR.

17. That's part of it, *SIR*.

18. I think we've-we've frittered away our independence on oil, *SIR*.

19. Thank YOU, *SIR*.

Can you guess which word he uses a lot more than your average bear? Come on. . . Guess. . . Seven minutes of discussion and he uses the word SIR 19 times! Is this some kind of a record? Seriously?

I can only imagine: Dane Cook leaves quote up to the imagination

Lucy's quotes:

Dane Cook on his HBO comedy special, Vicious Circle:

''Guys, we will go to our friend's HOUSE. We will wake people to tell this story, right? (Knocking sounds) Jason! (Knocking) Jason, dude, I'm sorry to wake you up. I'm sorry to wake you, bro. Do you remember that chick that I left with earlier tonight? Hoohhhhhh. . .C'Mere. . .Smell my EYES. . .Just smell my eyes, I'll tell you what happened.''

What?!!! What, damn it!???!!!??!!! What the crunk happened with that girl?!!! Sorry, I just really want to know. What could she have done with Dane? How could she have left a noticeable odor on his eyes, people? How? Why? It's killing me! What kind of kinky sex act could've been performed on this man? I need to go do some research now. Later.

Check out a VERY young Dane Cook:

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Louis C.K. on parenting, pooping and the marital system of checks and balances

Lucy's quotes:

Comedian Louis C.K. made another of many memorable appearances along side fellow redhead Conan O'Brien on Late Night. Louis shared his husband/parent style while promoting his stand-up act ''Shameless'' out on DVD with this quote:

''Like my wife-One time she's like ''I have diarrhea-I'll-I had diarrhea all night, I'm staying in bed.'' and I'm like ''Let me see it! . . .I want to SEE the diarrhea. . . Show me. . .at least a cup of diarrhea if you want to stay in bed. . . 'Cause there's no way I'm taking it on faith and spending all day with the kids by myself. . . I'm just not.''

Here's a promo for Shameless: