Monday, July 28, 2008

Yeast Infections: Risk Factors You Need To Know About

JD's quotes:

So, you'd think it'd be Lucy to do this post instead of me. That's understandable. Sorry. Being a man, I have the sort of clinical disconnect from this issue that she may not. Alright, all kidding aside-no, wait. We need the kidding so never mind that. Anyway, one of my favorite characters on TV is Dwight K. Schrute of The Office. Played by Rainn Wilson, Dwight is as I've described before, excitably serious. He typically switches from a super brown-noser to a self important, socially inept uber-nerd. We've all known at least one. In one of Dwight's ramblings to the camera in the mockumentary known as The Office, he touches on his unique leg up on society and a frightening medical theory that may expose a horrifying truth to society.

Rainn Wilson as Dwight:

''I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer Sheriff, I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections. There are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. . . Probably. . . because we're down river. . . from that old bread factory.''

I believe this quote can stand alone. Stay tuned for more unusual tips on the environmental obstacles of personal hygiene. Or, stay tuned for more funny quotes from the office.
Previous posts on The Office:

Thursday, July 24, 2008

In Honor of The Late Estelle Getty:

In Honor of The Late Estelle Getty:

I was very sorry to hear about the passing of a favorite actress of mine who played Sophia Petrillo from The Golden Girls among other things. Estelle Getty has passed away at the age of 84. As a cast member of The Golden Girls, she was a great sport, being made up to look like the oldest member of the team though she was second from the youngest. Here's a quote from one of my favorite scenes on the show in honor of a woman who had the comic timing to pull off every great line the show's talented writers had ever given her:

Lucy's quote:

While Sophia, a sharp tongued senior citizen, roots through the produce aisle, she decides to confront the store's nearest employee from across the way:

Hey. Hey! You got any decent nectarines?
Store Employee: There's nothing wrong with those nectarines.
Sophia: Please, I got a bowl of wax bananas that'll be ripe before these are.
Store Employee: You're crazy. This nectarine is beautiful. I never saw a more perfect piece of fruit.
Sophia: No? Then try kissing my behind,'s a real peach!

Here's Estelle and her friends, Rue McClanahan, Bea Arthur and Betty White on The Golden Girls blooper segment on the Lifetime network where they currently air daily:

Say what? would like to offer our condolences to Estelle Getty's friends and family. She will be missed. She gave the world a lot of laughs.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Amy Poehler Quotes: Our Most Unoriginal Post Title Yet

~JD says this is Amy's best picture.
I promised a while back for another SNL fan that I'd do some neglected Amy Poehler quotes for her and gathered them, wrote them down and completely forgot about them. Fine blogger I am, huh? At any rate, even Bonnie Raitt, I've got my shizzle together now, home slizzle. Here are my chosen quotes from Amy's respectable run on SNL's Weekend Update-my favorite part of SNL since the mid to late 1940's when I started watching it and Walter Winchell was the anchor:
Lucy's Quotes from Amy Poehler on Weekend Update:
1. ''A new book called, The Case of The Female Orgasm, argues that the female orgasm has no evolutionary function. Regardless, the book is a real departure for the Hardy Boys.''
2. ''A deer that got into a Walmart in Norfolk, Nebraska was tackled by a customer and then pushed back outside. City officials aren't sure if the deer wandered in or whether the Walmart was built around it.''
3. ''Researchers have identified a gene linked to hair loss that could lead to new drugs to treat baldness. The drugs could replace the old cure for baldness-vintage convertibles.''
4. And finally, with no apologies: ''Lurch, a dog in Michigan was given the Pet's Best Friend award by a local American Red Cross chapter for donating blood over 20 times. Now, obviously Lurch can't talk but if he could, I think he would say ''Mmm, my balls are delicious.'' ''
So, we're caught up with Amy Poehler now. Any more requests? Because we deliver...No matter how long it takes, we deliver.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Say what's Awards For Best Humor Blogs: In Another News...We're Goin' To Disneyland!

Photobucket ~ This is what our award looks like. Yours looks the same.

Okay, to date, we have only made two non-quote posts. Once to plug a guest post that Lucy did on LTE and once when we both tried to help spread the word to save a show we grew very fond of called Journeyman. Now, these posts...they pretty much never got hit on and almost nobody saw them. So, here's the thing. We have been involved in an ingenious plot from Our buddy, Crotchety, has received an Amy oops! award from a blogging buddy and the rules involve a pay it forward process. Our understanding is that he, in order to legitimately claim this award must award five other people and somewhere down the line Haley Joel Osment dies in a horrible knifing incident. No, we're kidding. He'll be fine.

Anyway, this is pretty smart because people like awards and they will likely participate to be able to fully appreciate said award in legitimate fashion. We are proud to state that we've received this award from Crotchety and will be legitimately winners after this post is published. So. in order to not make this our third unread, never hit upon non-quote page, we will instead quote the blogs we award, in full compliance with both stated award rules and additionally remain in compliance with Say what's ''keep it quote-full'' rules. Ha! We rule! Damn, we're smart. So the following are 3 humorous quotes from each of our 5 chosen blogs:

Okay, keeping in line with the rules, the credit must go to for the award and picture. We got that down. She's mentioned. Secondly, we must mention the man that made this directly possible for us-Crotchety. He is at What can you expect at Crotchety's site? It declares: ''Crotchety Old Man Yells At Cars: Baseball, television, political rants, cars, money, and general nonsensensical ponderings of my universe.''

JD will take this one, handing out our first award.

And Say what's winner of the Amy oops! humor blog award for the category of ''Best rivalry with a famous weight loss pundit'' goes to... Crotchety from

JD's 3 quotes from Crotchety:

I am fascinated by Crotchety's everlasting obsession with Richard Simmons. I love it. Relax, it's a rivalry. He's not a fan. Here are some selected quotes from him on the subject:

1. Crotchety contemplate's catharsis:

''I began to make a list of some things I could do to release this anger:

1. Tear the tags off mattresses -- too cliché
2. Write a letter to my Congressperson --too Republican
3. Join a think tank group-- too Democratic
4. Make fun of Richard Simmons --too easy''

2. Crotchety presenting a Richard Simmons Birthday bash with some of his most awe-strikingly horrifying videos:

''Grab a piece of sweat resistant birthday cake, and watch a few minutes of some of the funniest video around.''

3. Lastly, Crotchety has a temporary change of heart?:

''I thought about that day for weeks. Maybe Richard Simmons wasn't such a tool. Perhaps he wasn't a slimy, money grubbing shill.''

Okay, Lucy will handle our second award now.

And the winner of Say what's Amy oops! humor blog award for the category of ''Best WTF humor'' goes to... the Lazy Third Eye team at

Lucy's 3 quotes from Lazy Third Eye:

1. In Jake The Flake's Top Ten Fun Facts...Keeping in mind they are geared towards the lesser-known. Number four:

''Milton Berle, of all the famous men in show business, is reputed to have had an infamously gigantic penis to put all the rest to shame. Apparently, everyone who knew him was aware of this endowment, especially since he wasn't known to be shy about pulling it out as a conversation piece.''

2. From Stream of Consciousness Eddie:

''My doctor said it seems I don't really have ADD after all. It turns out it's much more likely that I'm too rude to pay attention if I'm bored. Go figure.''

3. And from a post called ''Excerpts from the mystery novel, I Spy A Spy's Spy With A Spy's Eye'' that made JD laugh harder than I did for a change:

''Why, those weren't random queefs at all', thought Agent 00.2, in quite a queef-stricken state. Dear, God, they were purposeful, willful, intelligent in pattern, controlled and cunning! Why hadn't he realized that it was Russian but in Morse code?''

Okay, JD will take this next one.

And Say what's winner of the Amy oops! humor blog award for the category of ''Most Humorous Serious Blog'' goes to... Jack Payne at where he does his best to accurately inform you about the current day's scams and how you can avoid them. Although the site is meant to be serious and a helpful resource, Jack still has an often funny way of getting his points across.

Among Jack's words of wisdom doled out during his helpful posts are:

1. ''Remember, you are not drunk if you pass out on the floor without hanging on.''

2. ''At times it seems reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.''

3. ''(Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.)''

JD & Lucy will take this one together.

And Say what's winner of the Amy oops! humor blog award for the category of ''Best Purely Satirical News Stories'' goes to...Chris from The Lost News at

JD & Lucy's 3 quotes:

1. In what is really a tribute to Tim Russert after his passing, the lost news credits his hard edged journalism with a satire piece of God being grilled by Russert on the suspicious nature of one of his creations:

'' “Would it come as a shock to you that we have reports from the Creation that say that the platypus was not an intentional creation, but a mish-mash of left over parts?”

“Wow, it is hot under these lights. Isn't it?” asked God clearly starting to sweat.''

2. Just in the headlines are captured all the satirically funny qualities and give us such great quotes as ''Opponent Of Gay Marriage Admits He Really Doesn't Have Anything Better To Do'', ''Local Anchorwoman Nails Segue From AIDS To Brangelina'', and ''New Restaurant 'BLTs R US' Hit Hard By Tomato Recall''.

3. And in another funny title, ''To Ease Energy Concerns, President Bush Calls For Offshore Oil Drilling And The Degreasing of Sha Na Na'', we have:

“With ordinary Americans hurting and my oil buddies already having houses at the beach and Aspen, it is time to bring these oil prices down,” said Bush. “And we can do that by finding new sources for oil, such as off our coasts and off Bowzer’s head.”

Unfortunately, if you laughed at that last one, you have now dated yourself as old. Join the club.

JD will take this last one because I haven't napped yet.

And Say what's winner of the Amy oops! humor blog award for the category of ''Best Anecdotes'' goes to...(Cue the ominous music) Judge Jerry Buchmeyer at...The...OTHER...Say what?!. Yes, we found out there's another one out there. This one is real life courtroom and other legal humor as compiled by the real life Texas Judge. I love this site. Here are JD's 3 quotes from that other Say what?!:

1. ''Q. Has anyone led you to believe the governor will pardon you if you plead guilty?
A. Well, I haven't been home judge, but he might have called my mother.''

2. Asked of a witness in an automobile accident case:

''Q. How far were you from it when you hit it? ''

3. Lastly, the ultimate slacker witness:

''Q. What do you do for a living?
A. I help my brother.
Q. What does your brother do?
A. Nothing.''

We would like to congratulate our winners and thank our benefactors and the Academy. There will however be no gift baskets. Times are tight, fellow bloggers. Times are tight.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Future Technological & Culinary Advancements Supported By The Irish People

Lucy's quotes:

ds9 ~ Alexander Siddig on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

Meaney ~ Actor/author Colm Meany known best from Star Trek: DS9.

As an unabashed Trekkie, I had realized a few months after we started this site that I've never found a funny Star Trek line or scene from any of the Star Trek series that quite fit with ''Say what?'' and its preferred type of quotes. So, now that I've come across one, I'll break Star Trek's painful absent streak. In an episode entitled ''Take Me Out To The Holosuite'' the crew of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine attempts to learn the ancient Earth game of Baseball. Attempting to make the setting as realistic as possible, Ireland's Chief O'Brien has one of many memorable scenes with his best friend, Doctor Bashir, as follows:

Siddig El Fadil/Alexander Siddig as Doctor Julian Bashir: What are you eating?

Colm Meany as Chief Miles Edward O'Brien: I'm not eating, I'm chewing.

Doctor Bashir: Chewing what?

Chief O'Brien: Gum. It's traditional. I've had the replicator create me some.

Doctor Bashir: They just chewed it?

Chief O'Brien: No, they infuse the gum with flavor.

Doctor Bashir: What did you infuse it with?

Chief O'Brien: Scotch.

Some of you familiar with ''Say what?'' might be noticing a pattern with me and the Irish peoples. Something slightly adversarial. It's friendly, though. I assure you that this is okay. I had a roommate who was Irish once, so, it's okay. I'm not Italian or anything either so you shouldn't be offended (Yes, I know of the fabled Irish/Italian American feud). Heck, I was even Irish in college an experiment.

. . . Besides, this scene really wouldn't have been as funny if Chief O'Brien were English and flavored his gum with scotch. I mean, let's be honest...Heheheheh.

A PS from JD:

To all Irish readers of ''Say what?'': You should know that Lucy has a psychiatric disorder that makes her goad Irish people. Strangely, although she is not Italian, the doctors say that it's a genetic brain condition. It's important that you recognize that she is on medication for this but that the medication doesn't always work because it's a placebo (specifically a Lemonhead candy). This condition is exacerbated on days when her feud with her Irish neighbor, Mrs. O'Lorcan, gets ugly. Recently, after Lucy and Mrs. O'Lorcan tried to patch things up for the fourth of July picnic, old lady O'Lorcan implied that Lucy's cat was ugly because it has kind of a lazy eye. For some reason, this set her condition off again. It's kind of sad really. I mean, just because one old Irish lady rubs you the wrong way...oh well. Like I said, it's a condition. In defense of Mrs. O'Lorcan, the cat really does have a screwy eye that detracts from it's over all aesthetics. And, in further defense of Lucy, she really was Irish in college with a roommate so, we should all be friends here.

PPS: Lucy cannot see this message because people with her condition are incapable of seeing the color blue, so if you comment on this post, make sure not to mention this disclaimer. Thanks for your patience and understanding with this rare and incurable illness.

This disclaimer is paid for by the CADF- Celtica Agressiona Dementia Foundation. To Donate, call (555) 555-5555 extension 5555 and ask for Shamus or Colleen. We're very close to a cure with your help.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

FSM (Fine Swedish Mechanics) Is Proud To Present...

JD's Quotes:

The classic Naked Gun movies always make me laugh. Like the first one, the sequel is so full of sight gags that sometimes it's tough to catch all of the hilarious dialogue happening. The second movie, entitled The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear is a thoroughly Zuckers and Abrahams romp. It stars Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley, George Kennedy, Robert Goulet...and absolutely no one else that may or may not have gone completely batsh!t crazy afterwards (OJ Simpson-who we're pretending wasn't in the film)...Anyhow, among my favorite quotes includes:

1. Lieutenant Frank Drebin (Played by Leslie Nielsen): Like having sex. It's a painstaking, arduous task that seems to go on and on forever and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.

2. Robert Goulet as villain Quentin Hapsburg reveals that he is dating Frank's recent ex, Jane Spencer -played by Priscilla Presley. Frank getting adversarial:

Well, that's great. I've been dating too. Nice girl. An author. She wrote the book on male sexual dysfunction. You've probably read it.

Quentin: I beg your pardon!

Jane: Frank, please.

Frank: Oh, it's alright, I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely. Just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right, Mr. poopy pants?!

3. Colleen Fitzpatrick aka singer Vitamin C plays the Lounge singer in the background of a restaurant filled with down-on-their-luck joes, singing the following lyrics:

I'm feelin' blue/just thinkin' of you
I get out of bed/wish I was dead
And I hope you do too


Hector Savage, from Detroit. Hey, I remember this pug. Ex-boxer. His real name was Joey Chicago.

Ed Hocken (played by George Kennedy): Oh, yeah. He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis.

Guy who wasn't in the movie: Hey, I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once. In Cincinnati.

Frank: No, you're thinking of Kid New York. He fought out of Philly.

Ed: He was killed in the ring in Houston. By Tex Colorado. You know, the Arizona Assassin?

That Guy: Yeah, from Dakota. I don't remember if it was North or South.

Frank: North. South Dakota was his brother, from West Virginia.

Ed: You sure know your boxing.

Frank: Well. All I know is never bet on the white guy.


That's the red light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging out down there.
Ed: Sex, Frank?
Frank: ...Uh, no, not right now, Ed. Uh, we got work to do.

6. Frank and Ed are questioning an employee in a sex shop played by Gina Mastrogiacomo when another employee played by Jeff Wright enters the front of the store:

And why should I tell you, copper?

Frank: Because I'm the last line of defense between sleaze like this and the decent people in this town.

Other Employee/Jeff walking in: Oh, hi Frank. Say, we got that model D-83 Swedish, sure-grip suck machine in that you ordered.

7. In the final battle between good and evil, the villain talks to the hero, keeping him at gunpoint:

That's as far as you go, Drebin. Any final requests, Lieutenant?
Frank: Yes. Can I have the gun?
Quentin: Oh, no. I'm not gonna fall for that one.

~Well,... it was almost diabolical.

Want to see quotes from the first Naked Gun movie? Go here: The Naked Gun: From the files of Police Squad!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Jesse Metcalfe (Backed By Straight Women Everywhere) Gives Fair Warning To Perez Hilton

Lucy's quotes:

As some of you may know, celebrities typically HATE the king of celebrity gossip bloggers, none other than Perez Hilton. While doing a segment on Perez and company, Headline News channel's Showbiz Tonight showed clips from Hilton's interview on his rocky relationship with celebrities in general. Hilton, spoke of it being okay that he gets sued and accosted, etc. Because, he dishes it out and he can take it. He mentions having been scorned by Nicole Richie, Tara Reid and Jesse Metcalfe. Knowing that he zeroed in on Jesse (aka John Rowland from Desperate Housewives) by trying to ''out'' him as a homosexual whether he was or not, I found his following quote gives me the giggles:

''I had Jesse Metcalfe say that he fantasized about killing me. Twice. He repeated it. As if I didn't hear him the first time.''

Well, it may have incriminated Jesse if it actually happened but at least the idea was funny. I laugh at your misfortune, Perez! Lesson for today? Straight women just don't like it when you try to out Jesse Metcalfe...It's not right, man. Now, if he wanted to do it himself, we've still got Clooney. It's cool, we're covered. It'd be rough, but we'd get by and accept it...Because we've still got Clooney, to reiterate.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Pest Control, How May I Help You? Scamboogahs?!!! Sir, I Think You'd Better Leave The House Until We Get There.


A shady, rotten, lowdown, jive-ass turkey.

JD's quotes:

Well, as some of you know, I'm an avid boxing fan. Of all the boxing books I've read, the most readable, no nonsense autobiography to me, was Smokin' Joe, The Autobiography (with Phil Berger). The story is, of course, of boxing great, Joe Frazier. A rare treat, this book was. Frazier has one odd writing quirk. Sometimes he uses hilariously outdated vocabulary as though he were still in the 70's. Using terms like jive and turkey in a way that, at times disoriented me as I thought I was reading the closed captioning on an episode of The Jeffersons. Oddest of all, was the every-other-page use of the word Scamboogah. Joe, born in Beaufort, South Carolina in 1944, grew up with this word and seems to use it whenever he really means S.O.B., or worse.

Caution: If you read this book, you might start using the word Scamboogah too.
This will cause people to look at you funny.

I can't tell you how much I enjoyed Joe's book. I was right in the ring with him. This is a great read about one of boxing's most relentless heavyweight punchers and world champions. The story takes you from Frazier's perplexing early nemesis, Buster Mathis (Senior) and an unusual injury he says may've helped his boxing career, then, all the way to his bitter rivalry with 3 TIME OPPONENT, Muhammad Ali and his retirement due to the physical tolls he'd suffered on the job. Though often sucking you into Frazier's mercilessly competitive mind, there is not a lack of its own humor. The quotes I found the funniest are as follows:

1. During Joe's childhood, he recalls an agricultural mystery:

''In the woods near our house grew a leafy plant. Momma and some of us children would scavenge for this plant, which in those days we called ''musk''. . . don't ask me why. We'd collect the plant and then dry it in the sun. The stuff would crumble and the scent of it would be so strong you could get high on it if you inhaled. This musk, which I figure now must've been tobacco or marijuana, was a cash crop for us.''

~ . . . I'd bet on marijuana, Joe. I'd bet on marijuana.

2. Joe (nicknamed Billy Boy) was like the song, a mannish boy. He reflects on his early onset of manhood:

''Well, he'd be a long time getting that money, a damn long time. And lucky for me these women had daughters. They would spot me in the truck and signal to me. So while Daddy went in the front door to ''get the money,'' twelve-year-old Billy Boy went in the back door and had fun with those sweet country girls.''

~Come to think of it, he may be more like the other song, Back Door Man. Put 'em both together and you've got a Back Door, Mannish Boy and a killer blues number.

3. Without this book, I probably never would've known about this unique piece of twentieth century weaponry:

''I remember one club where a woman showed up with what we called ''a ten-cent pistol.'' That's a jug full of Red Devil Lye, human piss, and honey. She had heard her husband was messing around on her, and when she saw the evidence that he was, she started unloading that ten-cent pistol---slinging the stuff in his direction. That place cleared out in a New York minute.''

4. Though Frazier didn't really seem to dislike Buster Mathis, who was in notoriously unathletic shape, he wasn't afraid to be blunt about anyone he ever met. Describing his amateur match with him:

''...Buster had worn his trunks damn near up to his titties...''

5. Oscar ''Ringo'' Bonavena, the short, colorful, barrel-chested, fast-living, Argentinean heavyweight slugger of the 70's is mentioned several times, having fought Joe twice. As a foreigner getting to know an American city, it was a special time for Ringo. Frazier was there to help:

''When I first met him, Bonavena acted like he did not know much English, but years later, when I'd run into him in Las Vegas, he knew enough Ingles to ask me: ''Where's the p*ssy, Frazier?'' ''

~For those who don't know, Bonavena met his fate at the Mustang Bridge Ranch-a famous cathouse in Reno, Nevada. Apparently he found what he was looking for.

6. Frazier mentioned one instance that made him feel as stupid as Ali tried to make him look during the pre-fight hype.

''First time he called me an Uncle Tom, I didn't even know what that was. I thought it was someone who peeped in windows.''

7. But, Joe, what did you think of Ali, really? Don't hold back.

''The sucker had fifty-seven varieties of bullsh!t - and he needed it all.''

Boxing fan or not, I hope you got a laugh. . . I bet most of you are just now learning the definition of scamboogah and ''ten-cent pistol''.

You're welcome. : )

For Boxing Fans: Check out our new blogging buddy's new boxing blog at Boxed Ears: The Wide World of Boxing. Chat about boxing on the comments section. News, future and past matches, etc. Boxed Ears did a great post on 1933's Max Baer VS Max Schmeling a few days ago worth checking out in particular at: