Saturday, August 9, 2008

The New, Cutting-Edged Way To Protect Yourself From That Particular STD

For a mainstream, family friendly comedy, Mrs. Doubtfire was pretty entertaining. It stars Robin Williams as Daniel Hillard, a flaky voice actor but a loving family man and Sally Field as his wife and serious career woman, Miranda. Miranda has had enough of being the sole adult in the family and divorces him. Due to his inability to hold down a regular job, Daniel, by court order, is cut out of his three children's daily lives. Hearing that his wife wants to hire a part time nanny to watch their kids after school, Daniel develops a plan. As a talented voice actor with a brother who works as a make-up artist, he creates an affable character to fool his ex. Mrs. Doubtfire, a proper old Englishwoman with a sparkling background as a nanny is born and is an irresistible nanny for hire to trick his way back into his children's everyday lives.

A jealous Daniel sees his wife falling for an upper class pretty boy named Stu Dunmeyer played by Pierce Brosnan. Daniel gets close to his wife again as Mrs. Doubtfire and does what he can to dissuade her and Stu from each other, telling Miranda that she should wait to get involved with anyone for the sake of the children and making random snide remarks at Stu under his breath...and throwing fruit at him. Stu takes everyone out to celebrate Miranda's birthday to a fancy restaurant and Daniel finds himself alone with Stu at the dinner table- as Mrs. Doubtfire. With this opportunity, he decides to play hardball. Earlier, Stu had given Miranda an expensive bracelet, leading to the following conversation:

JD's quotes:

Daniel/Mrs. Doubtfire:
That's a pretty impressive bauble you got her.

Stu: Hmm? Oh. Thank you. Thank you.

Mrs. Doubtfire: A fellow gives a gift like that, he wants more than a piece of her heart, ay? Hmm? Bit of a going down payment, huh?

Stu: Excuse me?

Mrs. Doubtfire: Oh, you know, Dear. Sink the sub? Hide the weasel? Park the porpoise? Bit of the old Humpty Dumpty? Little Jack Horny? The horizontal mambo? Hmm?

Stu: Mrs. Doubtfire-

Mrs. Doubtfire: The bone dance, eh? Rumple Foreskin, boloney bop. A bit of the old cunny linguistics. Mm?

Stu: Mrs. Doubtfire, please.

Mrs. Doubtfire: Oh, dear. I'm sorry. Am I being a little graphic? Sorry . . . I hope you're up for a little competition.

Stu: I beg your pardon?

Mrs. Doubtfire: She's got a power tool in the bedroom, Dear. It's her personal jackhammer. She could break sidewalk with that thing. She's uses it and the lights dim. It's like a prison movie. Amazed she hasn't chipped her teeth. Ooh . . . I hope you bring cocktail sauce. . . She's got the crabs, Dear, and I don't mean Dungeness. I'm being blunt as a spoon, aren't I? Forgive me. Oh, . . . mm.

That was arguably the best riff in the movie and on behalf of Say what?, I salute it. For instructions on how to do the official Say what? salute, watch the movie Three Amigos. We pretty much ripped off their salute and added a 3 second raspberry with a split-second whistle at the end. It's a little complicated but there you have the basic instructions.