Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Whoever this Charlie fella is, everyone makes him sound like an awful cretin, I tell you (Quotes from Major Payne)

Lucy's quotes:

Major Payne is the story of a military man who has been dropped from the military because they don't need him anymore...because he already killed all the enemies and killing is just the only thing he's good at doing. Payne is a social misfit outside the military but luckily gets a kind of military gig, working as the head of an ROTC program. His new mission is to train children of all ages to win the Virginia Military Games for the Madison Preparatory School. Major Payne is played by Damon Wayans, famous for his characters on In Living Color like Homey D. Clown and his sitcom with Tisha Campbell My Wife & Kids. Here, he plays alongside Karyn Parsons as the school counselor, Emily Walburn. Karyn also played Hilary Banks on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Here are some quotes and a video from Major Payne:

1. Major Payne to a cadet with a dog: You know, there ain't no pets allowed on these here premises, Mr. Ace Ventura.

Cadet: Yeah, well, maybe that doesn't apply to me. He's my blind seeing eye dog.

Major Payne: What in the world would anybody want with a blind dog?

2. Major Payne to his youngest cadet after he pees himself: You think your tears'll stop Charlie from takin' his bayonet and stickin' it in your little tiny heart?

3. Major Payne to his complaining cadets as they try to run the obstacle course: You'll get no sympathy from me! You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between sh!t and syphillis.

My favorite:

4. Karyn Parsons as Emily Walburn: You see, now you're dealing with children, and children have special needs. Do you know what positive reinforcement means?

Major Payne: Is that anything like where you take a P.O.W. and you snap his neck after you torture him so he don't have to go through life with a colostomy bag?

Emily: . . . Sort of.

Check out this hilarious bedtime story from Major Payne as told to Tiger, played by Orlando Brown: