Well, it was bound to happen again guys and gals. It's another post about everybody's favorite pill-popping, stubble-growing, sneaker-wearing, mind-game playing, wisecracking, limping genius today. Of course, I mean Hugh Laurie's character Gregory House, M. D. on Fox.
1. Dr. Allison Cameron (played by Jennifer Morrison): Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a 6 foot long hose shoved into your large intestine?
House: No. But I now have a much greater respect for whichever basketball player you dated in college.
2. Cameron to House: Maybe Between your incredibly witty remarks about anal sex and Cuddy's breasts, you could've tipped me off!
3. Hannah-the patient of the week (Played by Jayma Mays): I've got the plague?
House: Don't worry, it's treatable. Being a bitch though, nothing we can do about that.
4. House: I need you to sleep with Wilson
Lisa Edelstein as WHHA*, Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Wish I could help but, as administrator, there are some people in accounting I'm scheduled to sleep with first.
5. House: Stop that Jew!
6. House: Foreman must have a touch like an elephant.
7. Anne Dudek as conniving young doctor, Amber Volakis: Hi Greg...and I call you Greg because we are now social equals.
House: I call you Cutthroat Bitch...well, quod erat demonstrandum. And I speak in Latin because I don't try to hide what an ass I am.
8. Amber: Dr. Cuddy, I'm Amber Volakis, one of House's new fellows.
Dr. Cuddy: Sexual Harassment claims go through HR, stress-related leaves through workers' comp and any accusations of criminal activities go directly to the Princeton Plainsborough Police Department.
9. House: Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one.
10. House: Seizures are cool to watch, boring to diagnose.
11. House to Foreman: Glad you're back. Cameron makes lousy coffee. I take mine black, the way I take my brain damaged neurologists.
12. House: I'm a really good secret keeper. I never told anybody that Wilson wets his bed.
13. Robert Sean Leonard as Dr. James Wilson: You don't like her, because she's a psychiatrist.
House: Mmm, I'm a complicated man. I loathe her for many reasons
Wilson: Never before has a profession been so decried by someone who needed it so badly.
House: You talk a lot of smack about tranny hookers.
14. Wilson: Why am I here?
House: Because I wanna ask you about your girlfriend. I must know who she is or you'd have told me her name.
Wilson: She doesn't have a name. It's some sort of birth defect.
House: There's only about 12 people we both know and I can't remember 5 of their names. So, we're down to Cuddy, your ex-wives-
Wilson: Your momma
Later that episode:
15. House: If that's what love is, then I don't want anything to do with it.
Wilson: Starts with warm feet but leads to other things. Your mom and I will explain when you're older.
16. House: She's a needy version of me.
Wilson: It's hard to imagine such a mythical creature.
17. Omar Epps as Dr. Eric Foreman: He's annoyed by her, doesn't respect her as a doctor, constantly insults her.
Wilson: It's House's version of courtship.
Foreman: Oh, God. He's been wooing me for years.
18. Wilson: ''Are you okay?''
House: It's a valid medical question.
Wilson: I have never heard you ask a patient that ques-you've never asked me that question and you've seen me fall down a flight of stairs drunk.
19. House to Wilson: Any minute now, she's gonna hit him in the face with your testicles.
20. House to Wilson again: You like her personality. You like that she's conniving. You like that she has no regard for consequences. You like that she can humiliate someone if it serves-...Oh, my God...You're sleeping with me.
Special Note: WHHA stands for World's Hottest Hospital Administrator. If you have information that she no longer carries this title, please let us know.
Check out this hilarious House Parody on MAD TV even though it's an overly dark, poor quality, gratuitous youtube video and it's a shameless ploy we use to make our site more visually appealing for free (Speak of this to no one):
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