Friday, February 29, 2008

Oh, no, hoeno, not again! (More Saturday Night Live quotes from Weekend Update)

~ Seth Meyers of SNL
Lucy's quotes:

Yes again, my friend, again. If not now, then when? Have I been reading Dr. Seuss books? No, I just get giddy when I do an SNL post, that's all. Especially when it's about (Sound the trumpets) my favorite segment, Weekend Update. I've restrained myself for long enough. I just can't stay away from the WU. So, here are some of the last lines that got a belly laugh from me. Keep in mind, each belly laugh is worth 6 points to the anchor reading it, so Jimmy Fallon is still up by several points. Sorry, it's the way we do it. Here they are:

1. Current Anchor Seth Meyers:

Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek are denying rumors that they have become lovers. Apparently the rumor got started when I imagined it.

2. Also from Seth Meyers:

Many BlackBerry users are now reporting feeling vibrations when they are not holding their devices. In an effort to combat these phantom sensations, makers of the BlackBerry suggest you stop doing cocaine.

3. Former Anchor and most recently host Tina Fey:

Police in Illinois are looking for a 75-year-old woman who gets around with a cane and a portable oxygen cart. Because she's accused of scamming car dealers by bouncing checks. Officials say that by now, the old lady could be anywhere within an eight foot radius.

4. Also from Tina Fey:

Ingvar Kamprad, the Swedish man who founded IKEA has overtaken Bill Gates as the World's richest man, with a fortune of $53 billion dollars. He plans to use the money to ''finally buy some nice furniture.''

5. And finally, from my favorite former anchor, Jimmy Fallon:

For the first time, the annual event ''Gay Day'' in which homosexuals gather at Disneyland, was held at Euro Disney in Paris. It was the largest gathering of gay men in Paris since the day before.

~ Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon on SNL's Weekend Update

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