Greg House, M.D. on sex during The Civil War

JD's quotes:

~ The original cast of Fox medical dramedy, House.

For those of you who aren't yet familiar with the medical drama, HOUSE, this would be a good time to get acquainted. Hugh Laurie of the praised British comedy, A bit of Fry and Laurie, plays Gregory House, M.D. - a sarcastic, pill-popping world famous diagnostician with a limp. He's also got a complete intolerance to boredom and actual contact with most people-especially patients. Although occasionally he gets arrested, punched, kicked, sued, peed on and shot, he rarely fails to grab an opportunity to be crude, rude and socially unacceptable. This, of course, makes him frequently quote-worthy.

Over the past 3+ seasons of House, Hugh Laurie/Doctor House has been spotted reading the following nuggets and many more just like them:


''Do you have hair on your special place?''


''There's something wrong in your pants.''


''ah, Don't believe 'em. I keep a sock in my pants.''


''Ladies and Gentlemen, I have nothing in my hands, nothing up my sleeve...I do have something in my pants- but it's not gonna help with this particular trick.''


''Give her a banana. Monkey see, monkey barf.''


''Many women learn to embrace this parasite...They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites.''

''The most successful marriages are based on lies...You're off to a great start.''


''What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on.''


''I was rooting for a really cool tumor. Instead we're stuck with this crap.''


''Stop it! This argument is distracting every male and lesbian here.''


''You know, relative to its size, the barnacle has the largest penis of any animal.''

''You know, I happen to have a position available on my penis...wait a second- I think I screwed up that joke.''

''It's not what you think. I know it looks like we're cleaning dishes, but actually we're having sex.''


''This baby won me second place in the clinic's weekly ''weirdest thing pulled out of an orifice'' contest.''

''If your sex organs dangle, you're the Confederates. If your sex organs are aesthetically pleasing, you're the Yanks.''


Now, I personally believe the danglers should be the Yanks...trust me, it makes much more sense that way.


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Also, check out another post of quotes from House: http://hoeno.blogspot.com/2008/02/in-this-textbook-latin-language-is-also.html


Here's Hugh Laurie in some non-House fun, showing off his musical stylings on Inside The Actors Studio, Parkinson and A Bit of Fry and Laurie:

Hear us roar or howl?: Republican chauvinism made funny by 30 Rock

Lucy's quotes:

Today's post should be like a bullet- Fast and deadly. The quote in question?

Alec Baldwin as eccentric right-wing Reagan enthusiast Jack Donaghy on the Tina Fey creation 30 Rock:

''I like when a woman has ambition. It's like seeing a dog wearing clothes.''

Tina Fey was quoted in the New York Post as saying:

"I may be the only 'SNL' alumnus who has created a character based on Lorne who's not lying about it,"

Of course, she's referring to Lorne Michaels and his similarities to Mike Myers' Dr. Evil character in the Austin Powers flicks among others. I don't know if Lorne is specifically the inspiration for Tina's astute riffs regarding the republican party mind-set but if he is, I'm shocked. How could my beloved SNL be run by that kind of a c-c-c-c-conservative?

FOR 30 Rock fans only: I wonder if Lorne Michaels has a creepy cookie jar collection too!



Not familiar with 30 Rock? Here's a good intro to the premise:

NOT all bark: Lennox Lewis quotes on Mike Tyson

JD's quotes:

Yes, folks. Mike Tyson has made it onto 'Say what?' yet again. You can say one thing about old Mikey...he's NOT all bark and no bite. . .

Lennox Lewis, known as arguably the best heavyweight boxer of his era had a 3-hour show on ESPN Classic recently that reviewed his career. The program is called 'Ringside' and was visited by boxing greats Ray 'Boom-Boom' Mancini and Tommy 'The Duke' Morrison [both former world champs] as well as Lewis trainer Emanuel Steward. He was interviewed by Bert Sugar and of course, Lewis being just one of the boxers to have Mike Tyson bite him, was asked about this interesting experience.

Lennox had this to say about the pre-fight event leading to the biting:

'' I seen Mike Tyson looking up at me, and he's got his teeth in my leg, and I was saying 'He's biting my leg! He's biting my leg!' ''

''...There was a bite in my leg and a green ring around that bite and I'm glad I really got the tetanus shot.''

Lennox was also quoted as saying about 'Iron' Mike: ''He reminds me of a cartoon character.''

...I have no idea what cartoon character but he could easily be a mixture of Elmer Fudd and the Tasmanian Devil, I think. Any thoughts?


Since it's close to Christmas now, I thought you'd like to hear this beautiful duet by Jimmy Kimmel and Mike Tyson on ''Winter Wonderland'' from youtube:

Bow chicka wow chicka wow wow: The Jim Lampley quote that sounds wrong when you think about it

JD'S quotes:

The other night I watched one of HBO's fighter recaps. What they like to do-and I'm glad they do- is show one or two of the most recent or best fights by a fighter before their next big upcoming bout. Ricky Hatton VS Floyd Mayweather Jr. was certainly one of the biggest fights this year and so they chose to show two fights before the big pay-per-view event. They showed Floyd's so-called ''victory'' over Oscar De La Hoya where Floyd managed to mysteriously rack up the punch stats while not landing punches (even sometimes while not throwing them) and Ricky ''The Hitman'' Hatton's victory over a spent legend named Jose Luis Castillo. The introduction to the Hatton/Castillo re-run proves the point that boxing is just plain dirty... I'll prove it with this quote:

Commentator Jim Lampley referring to the anticipation over the Hatton/Castillo bout:

''If Hatton could do Castillo and do him the right way, he'd be in the right position to go on to something very big.''

For just a second there I thought Jim Lampley had switched from HBO's boxing to HBO's Real Sex documentaries. I could almost hear ''Bow chicka wow chicka wow wow wow'' playing in the background. Lampley, I never thought I'd say this to you but...you're giving boxing a filthy reputation. Even Don King never said anything like that.

Waylon Jennings: The story of Hoss and his turkeys

JD's quotes:

'Waylon' by Waylon Jennings with Lenny Kaye is a very frank and often humble look back on the life and times of one of Country music's hardcore elite. Most of the fun in books like these is the name-dropping. Waylon has been friends with everyone from Buddy Holly to Big Bird. Even the smallest stories in Waylon's book are bringing you true 'insider' information. From Ernest Tubb to Elvis Presley, you get a rather candid look at the people through Waylon's eyes. As the more comical bits lend themselves to the Say what? blog, here they are as follows:

Waylon's picture of how smoothly he broke into a life in music:

''I was expelled from music class in high school for ''lack of musical ability.'' If they wanted a B flat, they'd just hand me a B and I'd flatten it.''

Waylon talks about one of his earliest gigs in show business-his life as a radio personality, complete with local grocer's ADS:

''One time I said, ''Come on down to George's Fruit and Vegetables. You can't beat George's meat.'' The phones lit up pretty bright after that one...''

Waylon reflects on times when he lacked clearheadedness:

''Another time I dropped some cigarette ashes down the pocket of my new deerskin jacket. I'm on fire! It flared up and burnt the sleeves right from my body. I kept patting at the flames, sitting there, too high to think of taking it off.''

''I got so drunk, I stumbled outside and passed out. They left me there and put a pillow under my head, right in the middle of nowhere. When I woke up it was getting dark. I opened my eyes, unsticking them one at a time, and looked right into the snout of a black and white spotted hog that had come up and was snorting at my face...''

Waylon getting into stories about his musical predecessors and peers:

One of numerous mentions involving the infamous Faron Young involving Faron's friendship with Hank Williams Sr.

''He took a loaded gun and pointed it to Faron's temple, cocked it, and said, ''Boy, I love that woman. Now you can either giver her to me or I'm going to kill you.''

Faron sat there and thought it over for a minute. ''Wouldn't that be great? To be killed by Hank Williams!'' He wound up driving Hank and Billie Jean around in Hank's Cadillac, with the two of them loving it up in the back seat.''




Waylon touches on the special relationship Elvis Presley had with the people around him:

''They talk about him giving away Cadillacs, but I imagine a Cadillac would be earned after a few months with him.''

''...and Colonel Tom Parker didn't help. I think a monkey could've managed Elvis, and maybe done a better job.''

Waylon kicks back with icon Hank Locklin:

''Hank Locklin was the older, more established artist headlining. Hank was sitting right beside me and across from Lynne, talking about that beautiful red-headed woman over there. ''Look at her,'' he kept saying. ''She is so goddamn fine. I wonder who that is.''

I allowed him to go on for a while, but finally I had to let him in on the secret. ''Well, she's my wife.''

Hank didn't bat an eye. ''She reminds me so much of my daughter,'' he said, real quick.''


Finally, of course, Waylon's assorted mentions of Willie Nelson:

''People there think when they die they're going to Willie's house.''

''I was upset. ''Somebody find that red-headed bastard and get him here,'' I said.''

''F*** you, Jack,'' retorted Willie, and then came back to me chuckling, and said, ''I've always wanted to say f*** you to somebody whose real name is Jack.''

''He's my personal Willie, and I'm his Waylon. Yin and yang. Where there's a Will, there's a Way.''

The ''Jack'' in question is of Cowboy Jack Clement who mentioned to Willie that he had to sing ''on the beat''. Willie did not agree... and still doesn't.



Old Hoss himself in good humor took time to play a turkey farmer in the Sesame Street movie ''Follow That Bird'' and here he is with the tune ''Ain't no road too long''...it's kind of a duet...